There is a fine line between sympathy and empathy. Learning the difference can make huge changes in your relationship with your child. My mother was a professional worrier. Whenever I expressed having a problem with anything, she sympathized, “Oh my poor dear. That’s so awful. Do you really have to do that?” Her sympathy was not helpful. As a matter of fact, I stopped sharing my problems with her because then I had her feelings and worry to deal with as well as my own problem.
Society tells us that parents need to be CONSISTENT in order to be effective and responsible. If we aren’t ‘consistent,’ we will end up with a child who is out of control; a monster, who manipulates everything to their own end.
You Can Reach Enlightenment in 1 Easy Science-backed Step!
Science now has documented evidence that anyone CAN reach enlightenment, (or at least find peace, joy, or satisfaction) in one easy step!
I am tossing out my meditation beads!! They have found the holy grail!
You see a 5 year old child who is crying and screaming, sobbing about something. His parents are sitting with him, trying to sooth him. You might think “That child cannot control his emotions. He is emotionally immature. He needs to learn how to control his emotions.”
My son Kian has always been good at conjuring up plans… but bringing them to life is another matter entirely. The pieces wouldn’t fit, the parts would fall off, or the wheels would not turn. His grand visions just needed his building expertise to catch up a little more…. and his ensuing frustration would start to leak out sideways, screaming like steam from a kettle. It was impossible for me to ignore: his loud keening was a veritable curse to the gods. It penetrated me. I could feel his chafing frustration in my heart, seeping in like hot oil. It would sit and simmer then, until something would finally snap. There was no turning back! I would lose all control, and spring into “Fix It Mode!”
Because our children came from us (physically), they perceive that we gave them life. We are incredibly powerful in their eyes…like “god” to them!
Riviera PlaySchool Summer Camp: Build it to suit your schedule! Summer here at PlaySchool is full of water plans, trail adventures, games in the yard, tree climbing, wilderness hiking, gardening, fort building, fresh fruit off the trees and many more exciting plans with your friends. It is truly a magical time to be at PlaySchool!
This is an article by Patty Wipfler of Parenting by Connection which teaches the Hand in Hand tools of listening so parents and caregivers can be more connected to the children in their lives. I found this helpful and illuminating in light of the recent tragedy.
Allowing doesn’t have anything to do with having no limits, or not stepping into a guiding role for our children.
Parents often have a hard time with children who “think they’re the boss.” The irony is, that none of us want a marshmallow, a follower; and most of us want a happy, self-satisfied, confident child! (…a leader, perhaps?) So maybe it is as easy as shifting our thinking! We can embrace it as AWESOME that our child knows what s/he wants! This is the type of child who will probably not follow the pack like a lemming out to sea! What our child needs is help learning ways to get those needs met; ways that don’t conflict with another’s ability to get their needs met! It is as simple as that!