Kindergarten Testing and the Shocking Results…

New Kindergarten Readiness Test … if kindergarten is the new first grade, then when do our kids attend preschool? Is the logical extension that we begin teaching our children social skills in utero?

Just Say “No.”

Allowing doesn’t have anything to do with having no limits, or not stepping into a guiding role for our children.

Can Emotional Intelligence Be Taught?

One day last spring, James Wade sat cross-legged on the carpet and called his kindergarten class to order. Lanky and soft-spoken, Wade has a gentle charisma well suited to his role as a teacher of small children: steady, rather than exuberant. When a child performs a requested task, like closing the door after recess, he will often acknowledge the moment by murmuring, “Thank you, sweet pea,” in a mild Texas drawl….

Fill Yourself Up! (The Oxygen Mask Rule)

It is insidious, how, little by little we give up doing things for ourselves, because we believe that we should be spending more time with out child. Until finally we realize that we are doing nothing for our own pure enjoyment anymore. Everything is a compromise, or hinged on that love we have for our child. We end up having no 1:1 time with ourselves, and instead we snatch stolen moments at the computer while we yell to the other room “just a moment honey…”

Compassionate Listening = Listening to Ourselves with Compassion

The reason why I created a non violent preschool for my son, and the reason why I am on the hunt for a humanitarian school (or at the very least a compassionate teacher) for his elementary school experience, is completely selfish: I was a troubled child. I was the hard one. I had BIG emotions, and they were usually not understood. (OK, I admit it…I am STILL the troubled child, and I STILL have BIG emotions!)

Empathy vs Sympathy: Do you care more about your child’s feelings or your own?

There is a fine line between sympathy and empathy. Learning the difference can make huge changes in your relationship with your child. My mother was a professional worrier. Whenever I expressed having a problem with anything, she sympathized, “Oh my poor dear. That’s so awful. Do you really have to do that?” Her sympathy was not helpful. As a matter of fact, I stopped sharing my problems with her because then I had her feelings and worry to deal with as well as my own problem.

a note about consistency

Society tells us that parents need to be CONSISTENT in order to be effective and responsible. If we aren’t ‘consistent,’ we will end up with a child who is out of control; a monster, who manipulates everything to their own end.

Men Should Not Cry (What are You Living Toward?)

You see a 5 year old child who is crying and screaming, sobbing about something. His parents are sitting with him, trying to sooth him. You might think “That child cannot control his emotions. He is emotionally immature. He needs to learn how to control his emotions.”

How do we reach a point where we can comfortably allow our children to endure their own pain?

My son Kian has always been good at conjuring up plans… but bringing them to life is another matter entirely. The pieces wouldn’t fit, the parts would fall off, or the wheels would not turn. His grand visions just needed his building expertise to catch up a little more…. and his ensuing frustration would start to leak out sideways, screaming like steam from a kettle. It was impossible for me to ignore: his loud keening was a veritable curse to the gods. It penetrated me. I could feel his chafing frustration in my heart, seeping in like hot oil. It would sit and simmer then, until something would finally snap. There was no turning back! I would lose all control, and spring into “Fix It Mode!”

Taking a Step Back Can Provide All The Freedom your Child Needs!

We all know that our children are not reflections of us, but every once in a while we get tricked into that lie again! It sneaks in, and we spring into RE-action, rather than mindful response. That way of “reflective” thinking is a trap that often leads us to seek approval from the random parents around us. It can throw us into a tizzy of self-judgment: Oh my gosh my child is screaming (at me)! What is that father/store clerk/woman thinking about us/me?! Instead of, “Oh my gosh my child is screaming… what does my child need that I can give him?” The irony is that those parents who we are trying to please in that hot moment of crisis don’t actually matter to us as much as our own children do, nor are they even in line with our own core values!

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