Thursday, June 24, 2021

The importance of “I” Statements and Transparency

August 15, 2013 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

I believe that we have to be careful about how we pose things to our children.  I am a strong believer in using “I” statements.  When we do, it helps our children develop their own clarity about the world we live in.  It can be really confusing to be a child.  Because our children came from us (physically), they perceive that we gave them life.  We are incredibly powerful in their eyes…like “god” to them!

And so when we pose things as “universal statements,” (rather than “I” statements) it is confusing to our children.  They cannot always differentiate between us as their mother or father (a mere person working to find our answers) and ‘god.’  Nor can they differentiate between our statements and “THE TRUTH” (if there is such a thing…. ;))  Our children hear our statements as though they are Divine Proclamations from Assunder (or somewhere equally as ominous sounding!!)
“Be careful!  You’ll fall!” leaves a profoundly different impression than “I am noticing that you are standing right on the edge of that step.  I am concerned that you might not be aware of how close you are.  Do you see how it drops off right here?”
This is why I also process out loud with my children when I am working out a decision.  I really like to be as transparent as possible, so my children can see that I did not magically arrive at clarity.  The real magic is that we can be PRESENT to show them HOW to arrive at clarity!
lots of love,

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