Friday, February 23, 2024

Taking a Step Back….

June 14, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

I think I am pretty clear about how I regard my children: I know that they are not simply shiny little reflections of myself.  And even so, every once in a while I get tricked into that lie again!   It sneaks in like a sneeze, and I spring into RE-action, rather than mindful response.  That way of “reflective” thinking is a trap that leads me to seek approval from the random parents around me, and I am launched into a tizzy of self-judgment.  “Oh my gosh my child is screaming (at me)! What is that father/store clerk/woman thinking about us/me?!” rattles my mind.   Instead of, “What does my child need? How can I support him?”   The irony is that those parents who I find myself trying to please in that hot moment of identity crisis don’t actually matter to me as much as my own children do, nor are they even in sync with my core values!

My critical self-judgment has probably been the most difficult thing to overcome in being parent.  It seems I am never enough.  Whew!   I never do enough for my children, don’t do it well enough, don’t love them enough, I’m not patient enough with them, not energetic enough for them, not sweet enough for them. That condemning JUDGE inside me tells me in so many ways how I am simply NOT enough.

So how can I quiet that voice once and for all?

Perhaps the most important thing about being a parent is to know that I am mentoring all of the time. As Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “We must be the person who we want our child to become.” So if we want our child to love themselves as they deserve to be loved, and to respect themselves with the respect they deserve, and to be OK with being “less than perfect,” then we have to offer that same regard to ourselves first. As I have learned to ‘Ease up’ on myself when I am less than ‘perfect,’  I have become easier with all of the people in my life.  (And besides, what IS, IS perfect, because it IS!)

I have also learned to trust my inner voice.  I have all of the answers my family needs in this moment. So, I just want to say: when in doubt, tune into your your inner compass. You are the guiding light of the house; “mother (father) knows best.” Your child chose you for the answers you have for her. Your child chose you for the parent you are right now — not some perfect parent you will become someday. The really great news is that you get to relax and trust yourself! You ARE enough!

Our children are here to teach US as much as we are here to provide guidance to them. Who else in your life has the ability to take you deep within yourself on a journey of self-discovery and re-ignite that fire within?

Parenting from balance is as simple as taking a step back, and responding to life.  How refreshing and so much easier it is to relax into your own family groove, than to keep a stiff upper lip and stay in that grueling race with the Jones’es!

Lots of Love,


One Response to “Taking a Step Back….”
  1. Nina Reeder says:

    Your thoughts are so often spot on with my own personal feelings or struggles. Thank you for sharing with us. I am so tired of judgment and not because I judge others or they judge me; I’m tired of judging myself. I am too often my own worst enemy, and man does it hurt. Time to cut myself a break and trust myself again. Thx 🙂

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