Thursday, November 23, 2017

When a Parent’s ‘I Love You’ Means ‘Do as I Say’

August 22, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

When a Parent’s ‘I Love You’ Means ‘Do as I Say’

My 5th Grader’s Surprising Choice for Schooling this Year…..

August 12, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

Have you ever watched a cat shift its ears like furry radar dishes, surveying the terrain, all the while calmly relaxing and purring? My brain was like that cat; my awareness was a due to a radar-like brain function that I was not particularly keen on desensitizing. I would prefer to alter my environment, than alter that perfectly operating function in my brain.

Pressure has no place in a learning environment. It is counter to the goal, in fact. Pressure creates cortisol rushes that burn through healthy brain networks and, left uncorrected, the stimulation can create new cortisol pathways that actual seek to fill themselves again and again in an addictive cycle. Think of a child sitting on the edge of his seat, neck craned, eyes bugged out, peering at a video game screen, for example. That looks like a cortisol rush unfolding to me. Video games can do it, and so can crowded, noisy, or distracting atmospheres wherein a child is expected to perform.

mentoring versus modeling (living versus acting)

June 20, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

We often hear caregivers prompt children to behave a certain way “Say hello!” “Say goodbye!” “Say thank you!” or our favorites: “You’re OK!” and “That’s not scary! Why are you afraid? You don’t have to be!”

So what’s next….Will they be calling you from college for social cues? Or, will they become like the proverbial joke about the henpecked husband, who, when offered a choice of custard for dessert, turns to his wife, asking “Dear, do I like custard?”

Taking a Step Back….

June 14, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

My critical self-judgment has probably been the most difficult thing to overcome in being parent. It seems I am never enough. whew. I never do enough for my children, don’t do it well enough, don’t love them enough, I’m not patient enough with them, not energetic enough for them, not sweet enough for them. That condemning JUDGE inside me tells me in so many ways how I am simply NOT enough.

Men Should Not Cry (What are You Living Toward?)

May 21, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

You see a 5 year old child who is crying and screaming, sobbing about something. His parents are sitting with him, trying to sooth him. You might think “That child cannot control his emotions. He is emotionally immature. He needs to learn how to control his emotions.”

Are You Listening…?

April 15, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

I have been putting my attention on listening lately.

I was thinking about a conflict the other day that involved my son and myself. I realized that ‘conflict resolution,’ per se, doesn’t truly exist when the conflict is between the two of us. And that is because I have an agenda. You see, I think I know the better way, the better tactic, the “truth,” and even before I let my son explain his thoughts and intentions, I am already formulating my response.

Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills

April 8, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

The way that children spend their time has changed. A growing number of psychologists believe that these changes in what children do has also changed kids’ cognitive and emotional development.

It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline.

Everything Can Be Play!

April 1, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

Most children, and some talented adults, can take practical life (getting dressed, for example) and turn it into a magical adventure.   Everything is play, and everything becomes play. Have you ever tried to hurry a little boy into his clothing and out the door?  It is usually to no avail — the shirt becomes a […]

How do we reach a point where we can comfortably allow our children to endure their own pain?

March 11, 2015 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

My son Kian has always been good at conjuring up plans… but bringing them to life is another matter entirely. The pieces wouldn’t fit, the parts would fall off, or the wheels would not turn. His grand visions just needed his building expertise to catch up a little more…. and his ensuing frustration would start to leak out sideways, screaming like steam from a kettle. It was impossible for me to ignore: his loud keening was a veritable curse to the gods. It penetrated me. I could feel his chafing frustration in my heart, seeping in like hot oil. It would sit and simmer then, until something would finally snap. There was no turning back! I would lose all control, and spring into “Fix It Mode!”

Empathy vs Sympathy: Do you care more about your child’s feelings or your own?

November 30, 2014 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

There is a fine line between sympathy and empathy. Learning the difference can make huge changes in your relationship with your child. My mother was a professional worrier. Whenever I expressed having a problem with anything, she sympathized, “Oh my poor dear. That’s so awful. Do you really have to do that?” Her sympathy was not helpful. As a matter of fact, I stopped sharing my problems with her because then I had her feelings and worry to deal with as well as my own problem.

« Previous PageNext Page »