We all know that our children are not reflections of us, but every once in a while we get tricked into that lie again! It sneaks in, and we spring into RE-action, rather than mindful response. That way of “reflective” thinking is a trap that often leads us to seek approval from the random parents around us. It can throw us into a tizzy of self-judgment: Oh my gosh my child is screaming (at me)! What is that father/store clerk/woman thinking about us/me?! Instead of, “Oh my gosh my child is screaming… what does my child need that I can give him?” The irony is that those parents who we are trying to please in that hot moment of crisis don’t actually matter to us as much as our own children do, nor are they even in line with our own core values!

That self-judgment is probably the most difficult thing to overcome in being parent. It seems we are never enough: we never do enough for our children, we don’t do it well enough, we don’t love them enough, we aren’t patient enough with them, we aren’t energetic enough for them, we aren’t sweet enough for them. That condemning JUDGE inside us tells us in so many ways how we simply aren’t enough for our children.  How do we quiet that voice once and for all?

Perhaps the most important thing about being a parent is to know that we are mentoring all of the time. As Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “We must be the person who we want our child to become.” So if we want our child to love themselves as they deserve to be loved, and to respect themselves with the respect they deserve, and to be OK with being “less than perfect,” then we have to offer that same regard to ourselves first. Ease up on yourself when you are less than “perfect.” (What is, IS perfect, because it IS!)

You have all of the answers your family needs. When in doubt, tune into your your inner compass. You are the guiding light of the house; “mother (father) knows best.” Your child chose you for the answers you have for her. Your child chose you for the parent you are right now — not some perfect parent you will become someday. So the great news is that you get to relax and trust yourself! You ARE enough!

Our children are here to teach us as much as we are here to provide guidance to them. Who else in your life has the ability to take you deep within yourself on a journey of self-discovery and re-ignite that fire within?

Parenting from balance is as simple as taking a step back, and responding to life. How refreshing and so much easier it is to relax into your own family groove, than to keep a stiff upper lip and stay in that grueling race with the Jones’es!

A communication workshop for parents

Date:  Monday, October 10,  7:00 to 8:30 pm

Call to reserve your seat: (310)408-5616

Parenting is a life-long learning process of nurturing our connection with our children.  Parenting is “messy” business.  There is no “prescription” for dealing with the day-to-day challenges of raising children.  There are, however, basic communication tools that can assist parents in dealing positively with challenges, while deepening the relationship between parent and child.     

Workshop Content:

This workshop will address issues of communication between parent and child. Although theory will be presented, the emphasis of the workshop will focus on participants’ specific situations or concerns.  Among the tools discussed, will be:

• Intention (a way of “being” with ourselves and with our children)
• “I” messages (owning our feelings and perceptions)
• Resolving conflicts peacefully (win/win model…everyone’s needs are met)
• Facilitating “problem-solving” (creative solutions)
• Honoring feelings (parent’s and child’s)

Introducing Facilitators Laura Dotson and Melody Elder

Laura Dotson M.A., LMFT, the mother of 4 adult children and Ruby’s, Hyla’s, and Ayro’s grandmother, has over 40 years of varied experience working with adults and children.  She was a staff member at Play Mountain Place for 10 years, and for the past 15 years has been the Psych.Consultant at Manhattan Beach Nursery School.  Laura maintains a private practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist in the South Bay, and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology.

Melody Elder M.A.Ed., the mother of an adult daughter, is a teacher and parent educator with over 40 years experience working with children and parents in nursery school, elementary school, and home-school settings.  She was a parent education instructor for South Bay Adult School and the Center for Positive Parenting for 14 years.  She works part-time as a teacher and on-site director at Manhattan Beach Nursery School for over the course of 25 years. Melody maintains a private coaching practice in the South Bay where she facilitates parenting support groups as well as meeting 1:1 with parents (www.awakenedheartparenting.com). She holds a Master’s Degree in Education and in Spiritual Psychology and is a credentialed teacher in Early Childhood, Elementary, and Special Education.

Next Presentation:

Date: Monday, October 10

Time:  7:00 to 8:30 pm

Admission/Fees: $20 per person (please pay in advance to Riviera PlaySchool)

Parking:  Free!!!

And what exactly defines “success?”

In early childhood, we often judge success on how much a child knows.  This leads many parents to put their children into “academic” programs that focus on abstract knowledge, rather than experiential, play-based programs. Is this drive for children to know lots of things, and to perform their knowledge, for the benefit of the children, or their parents, or the result of a misinformed society creating academic standards that are not developmentally appropriate?

These programs have a child ready (academically) for today’s’ highly academic kindergartens by the time they are 5!  So the bigger quest here is how to get parents to relax, and understand that development takes time; and that time is dictated only by the clock within their child. And there is no judgment on this. Some kids are ready to read at 4, and some are ready at 8. It doesn’t mean that either is better. They will all read finally, by third grade. Today’s kids are not failing the academic standards — the academic standards are failing our kids!  Everyone has their own timetable. If we honor it, then they can bloom.

I read somewhere that Einstein didn’t speak until he was 5. If he had been born in this decade, he would be facing evaluation by psychiatrists, and probably drug therapy for his potential autism or other neurological problem… and then what would the world lose?

A child is ready to learn when s/he is ready to learn. I read somewhere else that any academic advantage a child has in kindergarten is short-lived, and outgrown by the time they are in 4th grade. This means that if you take their 3rd and 4th years, and spend them drilling on alphabet and counting, you have simply wasted their time. These children might know how to spell apple, but do they know that an apple is crisp, and cool, and sweet, and white in the inside, red on the outside?  They might know that one plus one is two, but do they know that “one” weighs less than “two”?

It also reminds me of the new “your baby can read” fad. What is the sense of this? It reminds me of something I did, when I first met my husband. He is a native Farsi speaker, which is written in the Arabic alphabet. I wanted to show him that I could read it, so I memorized the alphabet in one night. Not a big deal, really, since there are only 26 or so symbols to remember.  In the morning I demonstrated my new ability to read Farsi by reading the title of the Persian newspaper. And my husband blandly remarked  “very good. impressive. Now tell me what it means.”

The same goes for these little guys who are drilled to learn abstract facts and codes. They can definitely do it — that is not even in question. Their minds are supple sponges, ready to soak up anything within reach. But when we give them things to learn that are driven by our agenda, is that to their benefit, or ours? Are we allowing them to develop their gifts? Are we even allowing them to develop naturally?

And this pressure we feel to keep our child moving in rhythm with the rest of their society is all governed by “standards.” And those standards for children are not developmentally appropriate. Kindergarten is intended as an arena for social and emotional developmental, and first grade a transitional year as our children move from the concrete to the abstract. The system now has foreshortened this in a disastrous way… in fact, many people now refuse to send their child to kindergarten until the age of 6, to avoid the stressful experience their child may encounter in today’s academic and achievement-oriented kindergartens.

In setting guideline for appropriate standards for young people, most challenges arise because the people in charge lack an understanding of developmental milestones and stages. It is pervasive, throughout our society, and trickles down to the parents’ level. The stigma of having a child who is “slow” is a hard one to bear. And if your child doesn’t measure up according to academic standards, then he the implication is that he is a little inferior than the rest of the “normal” population. Ouch! It’s hard not to take that one personally. This is your crown jewel, your little prince, the apple of your eye. A chip off the old block. And you have just been informed that he is not quite good enough. (And what does that say about you…?) And the funny thing is that there is really no “not measuring up” at all! If we all understood ages and stages, then most of these judgments about our children would not be made at all!

Just because our society has advanced into the computer age does not mean that children do not still need to develop from the ground, up. We need to allow children the opportunity to experience the REAL world before they advance into the abstract. We need to let them pick and eat and hold an apple, before we expect them to recognize that a black line drawing represents one.

But the bigger challenge, as educators and child advocates, is how to express this to parents, caretakers, and other educators in a way that they will embrace. How to express this without being judgmental and therefore turning them off completely to what we have to say (and therefore losing the opportunity to make a positive change in someone’s life, and in the world itself.)

www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

Riviera PlaySchool
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

Lots of Love,
Linda Shannon

Parenting Workshop: Oh Siblings!

“I secretly believed that sibling rivalry was something that happened to
other people’s children.  Somewhere in my brain lay the smug thought that I
could outsmart the green-eyed monster by never doing any of the obvious
things that all the other parents did to make their kids jealous of each
other.  I’d never compare, never take sides, never play favorites.  If both
boys knew they were loved equally, there might be a little squabble now and
then, but what would they really have to fight about?

Whatever it was they found it.”

PARENTING SIBLINGS with MELODY ELDER M.A. Ed. of Awakened Heart Parenting

Tuesday, July 19th, 7pm-9pm

Feeling a little challenged (OK, FRUSTRATED) by sibling relationships?!  We
invite you to join Melody Elder, Parenting Support and Coach for a Parenting
Workshop focused on the following topics:

*       Introducing the new sibling
*       Relationship building between siblings
*       Sibling rivalry: what is the role of parents in children’s conflicts
*       Dealing with age and skill differences–younger child/older child
*       Parental expectations

For Additional Information, visit http://www.awakenedheartparenting.com
<http://knowinggarden.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=21157942244ebcd67b59
0c151&id=6f800a5d9b&e=8ee1cfa401>   The quote referenced above is from Faber
& Mazlish’s Siblings Without Rivalry.

This workshop is in cooperation with The Knowing Garden Elementary School:
THE KNOWING GARDEN is a community Elementary school for the children and
families of the Greater South Bay area. Slated to open this September, our
school supports the development of the whole child through constructivist
philosophy and the understanding that humans generate knowledge and meaning
from an interaction between their experiences and their ideas. We believe
that a project-rich curriculum anchored in academics, hands-on experience
and social plus emotional development will prepare our students to be
critical thinkers who become lifelong learners and active contributors to
the global community. With credentialed teachers, utilizing principles of
democratic education, low-ratios and developmentally appropriate guidelines,
our learning plans will be generated in partnership with each child. Our
students, from diverse backgrounds, become part of a greater community that
values respect, mindfulness, creative expression, confidence, risk-taking,
and concern for the Earth.  THE KNOWING GARDEN is a non-profit private
school with a public purpose.  www.knowinggarden.org
<http://knowinggarden.us2.list-manage1.com/track/click?u=21157942244ebcd67b5
90c151&id=8c0283bab5&e=8ee1cfa401>

Date

Tuesday, July 19, 2011 from 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM

Location

Private Residence

Address will be confirmed upon registration

Torrance and Prospect Blvds.

Redondo Beach, CA 90503

~~~

Recommended by: Riviera PlaySchool pre kindergarten program in Redondo Beach, California

An organic, nature-ful, and mindful program for the whole child.

April 2 in Huntington Beach CA from 9 AM to 6 PM, Come all day or part of the day

With “Ecstatic 5-rhythms” dancing from 6 to 8 PM. Requested donation $15 t0 $30, no one turned away for lack of funds

“A Taste of Compassion” is a one-day workshop based on the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. Whether you are new to NVC or a long-time practitioner, we invite you to join us for a day of fun, learning and connection!

At this event people new to NVC will have the opportunity for 3 introductory sessions  with certified trainer, Mary MacKensie
* Everyone will have the opportunity to participate in a co-created forum for learning and exploring the three skills of NVC (self-empathy, empathy, and honesty/self-expression) through a blend of structured learning and “open-space technology.”

* Apply NVC to a variety of contexts, such as parenting, relationships, the workplace, processing anger, self-responsibility, making decisions, healing, creative expression,  and many others.

This event is for people who wish to:
* Develop stronger relationships;
* Foster their innate compassion;
* Interact with certified NVC trainers, facilitators, and enthusiasts in a supportive environment;
* Build community around universal values of connection, peace, and compassion in Southern California

Sessions Offered (so far) Participants will choose the sessions most meaningful for them that day.

• Introduction to NVC (Mary Mackenzie) three sessions of introduction
• Fun and Games for Learning and Practicing NVC (Anne Walton)
• Sex and NVC (Anne Walton and Rodger Sorrow)
• NVC in the workplace (Rebecca Blenz)
• Relationship Insurance (Terry LePage)
• Anger, Nonviolently (Terra)
• Freedom from Victim Thinking (Ellen Shiro)
• Playing with the NVC Dance Floors (Alicia Nowicki)
• Nonviolent Parenting (Terry LePage
• Enhancing Creative Expression with Self Empathy (Anna-Maria Petricelli)
• Transforming Core Jackals (Anne Walton)
• Being with you without losing me (Terra)
• Christianity and NVC (James Prieto)
• Empathetic Role Play (James Prieto)
• A New Way of Story Creation for Writers:  Living Energy of Needs and self integration processes (Craig Cornell)
• Whatever you have passion for and decide to call a session in Co-created Spaces

SoCal NVC http://www.socalnvc.org is hosting. See website for details

Or email alicianowicki@gmail.com

Location: Healy Residence, near Warner Ave. and Algonquin St. (details
provided with registration) Huntington Beach, CA 92649

Cost: We are requesting a donation of $15 – $30 per person to cover
expenses. If you can contribute more, then please do so. No one will be
turned away for lack of funds

April 14th – May 19th, 2011

ECHO PARENTING

EMPATHY-LEAD PARADIGM FOR RAISING CHILDREN

Contact Azucena Ortiz at 213.484.6676 ext 311 or aortiz@echoparenting.org for directions and information.

*Some partial scholarships and payment plans are available.

Have you ever been surprised at the level of frustration you’ve felt toward your child? Raising children is so diffi- cult, yet most parents don’t get much support to build skills and techniques!

This six session private course will help parents to learn a phi- losophy and practice of

parenting that is based on em- pathy and compassion, yet is not permissive.

Topics will include: The science of brain develop- ment, setting and holding limits, learning from our own childhoods, emotional intelli- gence, anger, self regulation and much more.

Thursdays 7:00pm – 9:00pm At Riviera Playschool in Redondo Beach!

Class Series Fee: *$300 individual, $450 couple.

I was thinking about a conflict the other day that involved my son and myself. I realized that ‘conflict resolution,’ per se, doesn’t truly exist when the conflict is between the two of us. And that is because I have an agenda. You see, I think I know the better way, the better tactic, the “truth,” and even before I let my son explain his thoughts and intentions, I am already formulating my response. I am already figuring out how to convey my views and my “Wisdom” so that he will ‘get it’ and then he will magically become a better person. So I go through the motions of listening to why he did such and such, but I am not really taking it in. I am not really considering it. I have hopped onto my mental ‘habitrail’ again, and disengaged from what is actually happening in the moment.

So, I had to admit that when I am in a conflict with my son, instead of really listening to him explain his thoughts and motives for “miss” behaving, I am really waiting for him to finish explaining so I can then lead him to my conclusions and lessons. (That he shouldn’t hit, because hitting hurts, for example.) And this does nothing for his unmet need….that he wants Tommy to stop hitting him, for example!

Wow. Really NOT LISTENING.

None of this is to say that we don’t still convey our feelings about things, or our limits and boundaries. It just means that we get more chances to REfine and DEfine what those feelings are. They don’t have to become dusty old rote responses in our mental attics!

Perhaps the most important thing about being a parent is to know that we are mentoring all of the time. As Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “We must be the person who we want our child to become.” So if we want our child to love themselves as they deserve to be loved, and to respect themselves with the respect they deserve, and to be OK with being “less than perfect,” then we have to offer that same regard to ourselves first. Ease up on yourself when you are less than “perfect.” (What is, IS perfect, because it IS!)

You have all of the answers your family needs. When in doubt, tune into your your inner compass. You are the guiding light of the house; “mother (father) knows best.” Your child chose you for the answers you have for her. Your child chose you for the parent you are right now — not some perfect parent you will become someday. So the great news is that you get to relax and trust yourself! You ARE enough!

Our children are here to teach us as much as we are here to provide guidance to them. Who else in your life has the ability to take you deep within yourself on a journey of self-discovery and re-ignite that fire within?

Parenting from balance is as simple as taking a step back, and responding to life. How refreshing and so much easier it is to relax into your own family groove, than to keep a stiff upper lip and stay in that grueling race with the Jones’es!

Ready to Learn

Now, Everything you need to know to get your child ready for kindergarten!

by Janet Gonzalez- Mena, MA  “Child Family and Community”

A narrow and simplistic view of what is “Ready to Learn” focuses on teaching academics to young children.  Focusing on early academics is a cheaper but far less effective road to school success than what the brain research indicates.  Good health and social -emotional stability in the early years of life are the real roads to later achievement.  Cognitive development is vitally tied to  the social-emotional realm of development (Lally, 1998; Shore, 1997; Zigler, Finn-Stevenson, & Hall, 2003)

Kindergarten readiness, a hot topic among politicians, is also a hot topic among parents.  With this in mind, let’s look at how kindergarten readiness goes far beyond learning the ABC’s and starts way back in infancy.

Here are some general indicators that early childhood educators agree show children are prepared to enter kindergarten:

1. Children who are ready for kindergarten are those who feel good about themselves.

The problem is that much of the discipline used makes children feel bad about themselves.  Children don’t feel good about themselves  by being made to feel bad.  Discipline should not only leave self-esteem intact but should also actually raise it when adults use modeling, guidance, and feedback.  Communication is an important part of discipline; adults should discuss feelings and behavior instead of criticizing  the child.  Adults who understand the importance of communication separate the child from the behavior, saying things like “I won’t let you hit your sister – it hurts her” instead of “Stop that, you bad boy!”

2. Children who are read for kindergarten are those who gain knowledge from mistakes.

Some of the best lessons come from things that don’t work.  It’s easy to take the lesson out of the mistake by rescuing children so they don’t learn about the consequences of their actions.  Or the opposite situation occurs when the adult reacts to a mistake with harsh punishment.  When children become fearful of mistakes, they quit risking.  Reasonable risks are good learning devices.  This child who avoids them misses out on a lot of important lessons.

3. Children who are ready for kindergarten can communicate.

They have lots of experience in talking and listening.  They know how to carry on a conversation.  A conversation means not just talking but listening and responding appropriately as well.  Adults should start emphasizing communication early.  Even infants enjoy conversation and taking turns “talking.”  They also play with language.  As children grow older, keeping a playful attitude toward language helps encourage it.

4. Children who are ready for kindergarten can weigh alternatives and make sound choices.

Visualizing alternatives and their consequences in an important life skill.  Children who arrive in kindergarten with plenty of opportunities to practice this skill come better prepared.  When the “prepared child” gets hit by another child, she asks herself, “What are some ways I can react, and what are the consequences of each?”  The child without the ability to visualize alternatives just lashes back without thinking.  Aggression, in the face of aggression is a poor choice.  Some children never learn that, unfortunately.  Some children have no ability to imagine any response other than hitting.

5. Children who are ready for kindergarten can concentrate and focus.

If they can’t do that, the problem may be too much television.  It might seem as though children develop a long attention span from watching television, because they are willing to sit and stare at it for long hours.  But turn it off and what happens?  They don’t know how to entertain themselves.  We add to the problem by over scheduling their time.  Children don’t develop long attention spans when they are never allowed to play for long periods, never free to follow their inclinations to get involved in something of their own choice, never encouraged to work at length on some project they are interested in (Elkind, 2007).  Adults tend to interrupt children, hurry them up, get them going on the next event. Preschool programs can contribute to the problem if they keep children on a tight schedule, move them rapidly from one activity to another, and never give them a chance to work at length or in depth on anything.

At Riviera PlaySchool we nurture children in all of the aforementioned ways, so that social, emotional, and cognitive intelligence is developed to full capacity.  Learning through play, and experiential learning, is the way children learn, and we honor that.

Lots of Love,  Linda

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA

TEACHING FROM BALANCE

A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent (Compassionate) Communication.

“Wisdom begins in wonder.    -    Socrates

“Do not train children to learning by force and harshness, but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”

“People are people no matter how small.”  ~ Horton

What: A 2-hour communication workshop for parents

When: Wednesday, November 10, from 7pm to 9pm

Where: Riviera PlaySchool

How: 310)408-5616

Parenting is a life-long learning process of nurturing our connection with our children.  Parenting is “messy” business.  There is no “prescription” for dealing with the day-to-day challenges of raising children.  There are, however, basic communication tools that can assist parents in dealing positively with challenges, while deepening the relationship between parent and child.   

Workshop Content:

This workshop will address issues of communication between parent and child. Although theory will be presented, the emphasis of the workshop will focus on participants’ specific situations or concerns.  Among the tools discussed, will be:

• Intention (a way of “being” with ourselves and with our children)
• “I” messages (owning our feelings and perceptions)
• Resolving conflicts peacefully (win/win model…everyone’s needs are met)
• Facilitating “problem-solving” (creative solutions)
• Honoring feelings (parent’s and child’s)

Introducing Facilitators Laura Dotson and Melody Elder

Laura Dotson MFT, the mother of 4 adult children and Ruby’s, Hyla’s, and Ayro’s grandmother, has over 35 years of varied experience working with adults and children.  She was a staff member at Play Mountain Place for 10 years, and for the past 15 years has been the Psych.Consultant at Manhattan Beach Nursery School.  Laura maintains a private practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist in the South Bay, and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology.

Melody Elder M.A., the mother of an adult daughter, is a teacher and parent educator with over 35 years experience working with children and parents in nursery school, elementary school, and home-school settings.  She has taught parenting classes for South Bay Adult School and the Center for Positive Parenting and works part-time teaching and directing at Manhattan Beach Nursery School.  .  Melody maintains a private coaching practice in the South Bay where she facilitates parenting support groups as well as 1:1 coaching (www.awakenedheartparenting.com). She holds a Master’s Degree in Education and in Spiritual Psychology and is a credentialed teacher in Early Childhood, Elementary, and Special Education.

Registration Information:

Date: Wednesday, November 10, 7:00pm to 9:00pm

Fee: $10 per person or $15 per couple for enrolled families, $20 per person or $30 per couple for general public

Location: Riviera PlaySchool

RSVP: Linda at RivieraPlaySchool@gmail.com,  or call: 310)408-5616