Once there was a king, who had a beautiful, large pure diamond.  There was no other diamond like it in the world.   One day, it became deeply scratched.  The king called his best diamond cutters, “I’ll promise you a great reward if you can remove the imperfection from my jewel.”  But they could not.  The king was very upset. 

Many months later, a man came to the king.  He promised to make the diamond even more beautiful than it ever had been.  Impressed by the man’s confidence, the king consented.  He watched as the man engraved an exquisite rosebud around the blemish and used the scratch to make its stem.

–A parable of the Preacher of Dubno from Jewish folklore.

Many parents don’t realize that the education world has changed drastically since they were in school. Schools and class sizes used to be smaller, dropout rates lower, in-school violence almost unheard of, and teachers weren’t terrified of showing affection to their students, or of discussing moral values. Of course, even then, school was far from perfect, but at least the teachers—and usually the principal—knew every student by name, something that is increasingly rare today.

Because our public school system has deteriorated considerably, many parents, teachers, and individuals have taken it upon themselves to create public and private alternatives to that system; and it is important for parents to know that they now have choices.

So how do you know that it’s time to look for another educational approach for your child? Here are some of the signs:

1. Does your child say he or she hates school?

If so, something is probably wrong with the school. Children are natural learners, and when they’re young, you can hardly stop them from learning. If your child says they hate school, listen to them.

2. Does your child find it difficult to look an adult in the eye, or to interact with older or younger children?

If so, your child may have become “socialized” to interact only with peers within their own age group—a very common practice in most schools—and may be losing the ability to communicate with a broader group of children and adults.

3. Does your child seem fixated on designer labels and trendy clothes for school?

This is a symptom of an approach that emphasizes external rather than internal values, causing children to rely on shallower means of comparison and acceptance, rather than deeper values.

4. Does your child come from school tired and cranky?

While a student can have a hard day in any school, consistent exhaustion and irritability are sure signs that their educational experiences are not energizing, but actually debilitating.

5. Does your child come home complaining about conflicts that they’ve had in school, or unfair situations that they have been exposed to?

This may mean that the school does not have a student-centered approach to conflict resolution and communication. Many schools rely on swift, adult-issued problem solving, depriving children of their ability to emotionally process and thoughtfully discuss the situation at hand.

6. Has your child lost interest in creative expression through art, music, and dance?

Within the traditional system, these creative outlets are often considered secondary to “academic” areas, and are not as widely encouraged. In some cases, courses in these areas are not even offered any more. This neglect often devalues, or extinguishes, these natural talents and abilities in children.

7. Has your child stopped reading or writing—or pursuing a special interest—just for fun? Are they investing the bare minimum in homework?

This is often a sign that spontaneous activities and student independence are not being valued in their school. Children have a natural inclination to direct their own learning; however, an emphasis on meeting standardized test requirements limits the abilities of teachers to nurture and encourage this inclination. The result can be an increasing apathy toward subjects that were once exciting, and a loss of creativity.

8. Does your child procrastinate until the last minute to do homework?

This is a sign that the homework is not really meeting his or her needs—perhaps it’s “busy work” or rote memorization—and may be stifling to their natural curiosity.

9. Does your child come home talking about anything exciting that happened in school that day?

If not, maybe nothing in school is exciting for your child. Why shouldn’t school—and education—be a fun, vibrant, and engaging place?

10. Did the school nurse or guidance counselor suggest that your child may have a disease, like ADHD, and should be given Ritalin or another behavior regulating drug?

Be wary of these diagnoses and keep in mind that much of the traditional school curriculum these days is behavior control. If test requirements limit a teacher’s ability to engage students, if students are discouraged from following their own passions and expected to sit for five or six hours a day with limited personal attention and interaction, I suggest it’s the school that has the disease, EDD—Educational Deficit Disorder—and it might be time to get your child out of that situation!

If your child has exhibited several of these characteristics, it’s time for you to start looking for an alternative. In most parts of this country today, there are many options to choose from—public and private. For example, 40 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico have now enacted legislation which allows groups of parents and teachers to create charter schools, which are not stuck with having to fulfill as many of the myriad of state regulations and can create their own individualized approach. There are now more than 4000 of them. There are also 4,500 magnet schools throughout the country, public schools that specialize in an area of expertise, and draw students from a wider geographic area.

Additionally, there are over 4,500 Montessori schools, based on the experiential approach designed by Dr. Maria Montessori, and hundreds of Waldorf schools, which put equal emphasis on traditional academics areas and the arts. There are also hundreds of independent alternative schools, many emphasizing participant control, with parents and students taking responsibility for their own educations.

The latter are often called democratic schools, free schools, or Sudbury schools.

Many public school systems, too, have a variety of alternative programs within their systems. These are divided into two general approaches:

1. Public Choice; programs which are open to any student in the community. Sometimes they are called Schools Within Schools.

2. Public At-Risk; programs for children who have had a variety of problems coping with school. These programs run the spectrum from helpful to dumping grounds. Examine them closely before making a decision to enroll.

Parents of well over a million children in this country have checked off “none of the above” and decided to teach their children at home. It is now legal in every state and does not require teacher certification. Homeschooling has taken a variety of approaches. Some try to create “school at home” with a fairly standard curriculum, the main difference being that parents can teach one-to-one with their children. Some families have signed up with a curriculum designed by an umbrella school; this school will help the parents create their own curriculum or, provide its own basic curriculum, grade homework, and help with any necessary report forms.

A third approach is called “unschooling.” In this case the parent bases their educational approach on the interest of the child and builds on that, rather than a pre-set curriculum. In some cases, curriculum is designed “retroactively,” by keeping records of the activities throughout the year and at the end of the process dividing the experiences into the appropriate subject area.

Remarkably, since most states require some form of testing for homeschoolers, as a group, they average in the 85th percentile, compared to the 50th percentile of the average public school student. There are now so many homeschoolers around the country that virtually all of them are part of some kind of homeschool group. Some of these groups have coalesced into homeschool resource centers and operate as often as four or five days a week. Generally, colleges have discovered that homeschoolers make such good students that they welcome them to apply to their schools.

As more and more parents become aware of, and make, these choices, we hope that the traditional system will evolve into one that meets the needs of an increasing number of students. Meanwhile, don’t wait for that system to change; take responsibility for your child’s education. Find out what your options are and choose what is best for your child.

None of these signs by themselves should be taken as a reason to panic. But if you have noticed several of them, you should certainly explore educational alternatives

–

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA

TEACHING FROM BALANCE

A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

cell: (310)408-5616

I wanted to share this workshop with you – Melody Elder is an amazing resource
on the topic of anything having to do with parenting in the compassionate
paradigm. The Knowing Garden is another amazing (K-8) school (like DaVinci and Riviera PlaySchool) that
combines project based learning with non violent / compassionate communication, and “power with,” rather than “power over.”

XX
Linda Shannon
Founding Director, Riviera PlaySchool

THINGS THAT COME UP AT SCHOOL – a workshop no getting through lessons and homework with positive connections

The Knowing Garden, along with Melody Elder M.A. E.d. is hosting a Parenting
Workshop on Monday, Oct 17th. The subject is “Things That Come Up At School”
and it focuses on getting through lessons and homework with positive connections
as well as being the best advocate you can be for your student.

All families are welcome. Please click here for information and
registration: http://knowinggarden.org/parenting-workshop/

Contact knowinggarden@… with any questions.

I have been waiting for this one!! Science now has documented evidence that anyone CAN reach enlightenment, (or at least find peace, joy, or satisfaction) in one easy step!   I am tossing out my meditation beads!!  They have found the holy grail!

Recent studies have shown that a very specific region of our brain is activated both when we have an experience, and also when we watch someone else have an experience.

This region is called the mirror neuron system, and is responsible for this higher brain function of learning vicariously through others.

This system forms the basis for how we learn by imitation, and how we understand the actions and intentions of others.  That’s how we are able to learn everything from motion dynamics (like kicking a ball,) to emotion dynamics (like joy and grief,) simply from watching another human’s experience with the same.

Surprisingly, all humans, and also many mammals including elephants, dogs, and probably dolphins, have this neurological ability.

Most recently, in 2005, a team of scientists found that mirror neuron are also activated when adults simply listened to someone describing certain actions.

If listening to someone can activate that higher order learning section of our brains, then what about thinking about an experience? As they say: “what we believe is what we see.”

Maybe this is why so many masters of mindfulness caution us to be careful of what we put our minds on… about being conscious, being intentional, being aware of the power of our words, and our thoughts.

Our words are pearls, strung together from thoughts, and they creates the reality we live within.  And now science has proven it:  a simple way to reposition our consciousness is by paying closer attention to the words we choose to use.

So next time you are tempted to thrash yourself for spilling coffee down your shirt or forgetting to pay the gas bill, replace those self-deprecating thoughts with something compassionate.  Instead of “that was stupid, you dummy” veer over to something you would want to say to your child, and apply liberally!

Parents commonly say things like, “You need to put

your toys away and get ready for bed.”

Such statements put kids in a double bind if they

don’t *feel* like complying. Who should they

believe, their parents or their own feelings?

It’s a loss either way.

“You NEED to” is really a euphemism for “you HAVE

to.” It’s a way of cloaking coercion.

If you don’t intend to give your child a choice, be

honest and state your command *as* a command: “Put

your toys away and get ready for bed.” If that feels

rude, maybe your feelings are trying to tell you

something.

You may realize that the real issue is *your* needs.

That would be a step in the right direction, but

don’t stop there… A shift in focus from needs to

desires is the key that will unlock your creativity.

(Tomorrow: Part 2)

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!

(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)

Copyright (c) 2010 by Scott Noelle

The “No Child Left Behind” act was supposedly conceived of and designed as a fail-safe system by which our country would cultivate masses of academically superior graduates who could then compete on the world stage.  Oddly, though, one of the goals is counter to this strive for excellence: in unveiling the grand plan,  President G. W. Bush proclaimed that “every child should perform at average,” which is clearly a statistical impossibility; not to mention that it is a quick recipe for dumbing us down.

Instead, “NCLB” has inadvertently placed undue emphasis on elements that have nothing to do with academic success.  The entire system has instead created a generation of button-pushers who lack critical thinking skills as well as the emotional and social intelligence to get their needs met independently.  We are not creating people who are following in the footsteps of our forefathers: independent thinkers, inventors, and self-sufficient pioneers who have the skills and tenacity to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps in Horatio Alger fashion.

“It is the great triumph of compulsory governmental monopoly mass schooling that among even the best of my fellow teachers, and among even the best of my student’s parents, only a small number can imagine a different way to do things.  Only a few lifetimes ago…originality and variety were common currency; our freedom from regimentation made us the miracle of the world; social class boundaries  were relatively easy to cross; our citizenry was marvelously confident, inventive, and able to do much for themselves independently, and to think for themselves.” (John Taylor Gatto, Dumbing Us Down)

We have to take another critical look at this system before we churn out yet another generation of unmotivated, unskilled, and incapable graduates.

I know that it is hard, as a parent, not to be seduced by the thrill of having our child ‘succeed.’  But what exactly defines ‘success?’  In early childhood, we often judge success on how much a child knows.  This leads many parents to put their children into “academic” programs that focus on abstract knowledge, rather than experiential, play-based programs. Is this drive for children to know lots of things, and to perform their knowledge, for the benefit of the children, or their parents, or the result of a misinformed society creating academic standards that are not developmentally appropriate?

“Except for a handful, who may or may not be good students, children fail to develop more than a tiny part of the tremendous capacity for learning, understanding, and creating with which they were born and of which they made full use during the first two or three years of their lives.  Why do they fail?  They fail because they are afraid, bored, and confused.” (John Holt, How Children Fail)

These government-subsudized, mainstream programs have a child ready (academically) for today’s highly academic kindergartens replete with developmentally inappropriate curriculum, by the time they are 5!  Until 2002, when “No Child Left Behind” act was put into motion, kindergarten was developmentally appropriate: it provided a transitional period bridging the developmental leap between concrete and abstract cognitive abilities.

“A growing number of psychologists believe that these changes in what children do has also changed kids’ cognitive and emotional development.  It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function.”   (Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills, Alix Spiegel)

This cognitive shift typically takes place between 11 and 13 years old, and allows a child to glean productive information from abstract, worksheet work, rather than needing to work solely in an experiential plane.  This developmental leap does not do away completely with the value of experiential educational projects in the educational arena, however.  All the way up to adulthood, people still learn best by doing.

So the bigger quest here is how to get administrators and parents to relax, and understand that development takes time; and that time is dictated only by the clock within their child. And there is no judgment on this. Some kids are ready to read at 4, and some are ready at 8. It doesn’t mean that either is better. They will all read finally, by third grade. Today’s kids are not failing the academic standards – the academic standards are failing our kids! Everyone has their own timetable. If we honor it, then our children can bloom, and their innate gifts will emerge.

“If you read the FAQ page on the common core standards website, don’t bother looking for words like “exploration,” “intrinsic motivation,” “developmentally appropriate,” or democracy.”  Instead, the very first sentence contains the phrase

“success in the global economy,” followed immediately by “America’s competitive edge.”  If these new national standards are more economic than educational in their aspiration, more about winning than learning, devoted more to serving the interests of business than to meet the needs of kids, then we’ve merely painted a 21st century facade on a hoary, dreary model of school as employee training.  Yes, we want excellent teaching and learning for all — although our emphasis should be less on student achievement (read: test scores) than on Student’s achievements.”  (Alfie Kohn, Debunking the Case for National Standards)

I read somewhere that Einstein didn’t speak until he was 5. If he had been born in this decade, he would be facing evaluation by psychiatrists, and probably drug therapy for his potential autism or other neurological problem… and then what would the world lose?

A child is ready to learn when s/he is ready to learn.

“David learns to read at age four; Rachel, at age nine: In normal development, when both are thirteen, you can’t tell which one learned first – the five-year spread means nothing at all.  But in school, I label Rachel “learning disabled” and slow David down a bit, too.  For a paycheck, I teach David to depend on me to tell him when to go and stop.  He won’t outgrow that dependency.  I identify Rachel as discount merchandise, “special education” fodder.  She’ll be locked in her place forever.”  (John Taylor Gatto, Weapons of Mass Instruction)

I read somewhere else that any academic advantage a child has in kindergarten is short-lived, and outgrown by the time they are in fourth grade. This means that, in the words of Bev Bos,

“if you take their 3rd and 4th years, and spend them drilling on alphabet and counting, you have simply wasted their time.” (Bev Bos, Tumbling Over the Edge)

These children might know how to spell apple, but do they know that an apple is crisp, and cool, and sweet, and white in the inside, red on the outside? They might know that  1+1=2 , but do they know that “1″ weighs less than “2″?  Being Fluent in numeracy means understanding the concepts of math implicitly.  It does not mean memorizing symbols and formulas.

This press for our children to learn more facts earlier and earlier reminds me of the new “your baby can read” fad.  Taken out of context and applied, it only serves to steal time from our children.  What is the sense of this? It reminds me of something I did, when I first met my husband. He is a native Farsi speaker, which is written in the Arabic alphabet. I wanted to show him that I could read it, so I memorized the alphabet in one night. Not a big deal, really, since there are only 26 or so symbols to remember. In the morning I demonstrated my new ability to read Farsi by reading the title of the Persian newspaper. My husband said “very good. impressive. Now tell me what it means.”

The same goes for these little guys who are drilled to learn abstract facts and codes. They can definitely do it – that is not even in question. Their minds are supple sponges, ready to soak up anything within reach. But when we give them things to learn that are driven by our agenda, is that to their benefit, or ours? Are we allowing them to develop their gifts? Are we even allowing them to develop naturally? We have fears, as parents, of our child “fitting in.” What happened to the originality and inventive thinking that made us so special as a country in the first place?

“Ninety-nine [students] out of a hundred are automata, careful to follow the prescribed custom. This is not by accident but he result of substantial education which, scientifically defined, is the subsumption of the individual.(John Gatto, Weapons of Mass Instruction)

And this pressure we feel to keep our child moving in rhythm with the rest of their society is all governed by “standards.” And those standards for children are not developmentally appropriate. Kindergarten is intended as an arena for social and emotional developmental, and first grade a transitional year as our children move from the concrete to the abstract. The system now has foreshortened this in a disastrous way… in fact, many people now refuse to send their child to kindergarten until the age of 6, to avoid the stressful experience their child may encounter in today’s academic and achievement-oriented kindergartens.

According to many diverse scholars from John Gottman to Diane Ravitch, the number one indicator of academic success is social and emotional intelligence.  So if we want our children to truly “succeed” in school, how to we get them there?  We need to pay more attention to parent education and support programs, and to the quality of childcare preceding kindergarten, so children can develop the social and emotional skills necessary to succeed in our public school systems.

In setting guideline for appropriate standards for young people, most challenges arise because the people in charge lack an understanding of developmental milestones and stages. It is pervasive, throughout our society, and trickles down to the parents’ level. The stigma of having a child who is “slow” is a hard one to bear. And if your child doesn’t measure up according to academic standards, then he the implication is that he is a little inferior than the rest of the “normal” population. Ouch! It’s hard not to take that one personally. This is your crown jewel, your little prince, the apple of your eye. A chip off the old block. And you have just been informed that he is not quite good enough. (And what does that say about you…?) And the funny thing is that there is really no “not measuring up” at all! If we all understood ages and stages, then most of these judgments about our children would not be made at all!

Just because our society has advanced into the computer age does not mean that children do not still need to develop from the ground, up. We need to allow children the opportunity to experience the REAL world before they advance into the abstract. We need to let them pick and eat and hold an apple, before we expect them to recognize that a black line drawing represents one.

But the bigger challenge, as educators and child advocates, is how to express this to parents, caretakers, and other educators in a way that they will embrace. How to express this without being judgmental and therefore turning them off completely to what we have to say (and therefore losing the opportunity to make a positive change in someone’s life, and in the world itself.)

If we would just take a moment to stop and consider our aspirations for our own children, then we could get rid this new yet arcane system that is digging us into a deep hole of intellectual poverty.  By doing so, we could perhaps end up with well-adjusted, productive, self-fulfilled children and citizens.  Isn’t that the goal, anyway?

XO

Linda Shannon

Founder and Director,

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA

A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

SOURCES:

(articles are available online via google)

Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills, Alix Spiegel (article)

Can the Right Kinds of Play Teach Self-Control?, Paul Tough (article)

Debunking the Case for National Standards, Alfie Kohn (article)

Tumbling Over the Edge, Bev Bos (pp 23)

How Children Fail, John Holt (pp 5 ~ 6)

Weapons of Mass Instruction, John Gatto (pp 13)

Dumbing Us Down, John Gatto (pp 11)

Further Reading:

Learning All the Time, John Holt

The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller

On Becoming a Person, Carl Rodgers

The Hurried Child, David Elkind

The Aware Baby, Aletha Solter

The Continuum Concept, Jean Liedloff

When I was a child, I can remember that everything was new, and everything was magical.  Even getting dressed evoked fantasies that would zap me from my closet and into the adventures of my mind.

Most children, and some talented adults, can take practical life (getting dressed, for example) and turn it into a magical adventure.    Everything is play, and everything becomes play. 

Have you ever tried to hurry a little boy into his clothing and out the door?  It is usually to no avail — the shirt becomes a pirate’s hat, and then his eye catches a forgotten toy — everything is so richly distracting to children, because they are still engaged so deeply in living life.

This is what is so easy to forget as an adult – how to be passionate and engaged and see the magic in life. 

So why do we try to pounce it out of them? “Straighten up!  Hurry Up!  Come on, we’ll be late!”

What is the hurry?!!!! What could be more important than living?  This is a great reminder for me.  Whenever I climb back onto that treadmill of ”earning a living,” I tend to forget how to slow down and Be where my son is.  I forget how to take time to meet him there, in the moment.

What being child-like brings to my life is the ability to come back to a time of real joy, where every day is like christmas, because I am intrinsically attached to every moment.

Lots of Love,

Linda

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf and Compassionate Communication.

Just remember, if it resonates, then it is simply the mirror — it is alive in you, too.

If you’re like me, you are your own worst critic. And there is no badge of honor in that, even though we have been brought up to believe it is so. You deserve the same “break” you are wanting your child to be given. And it has to start with you doing it for yourself, since you are their primary teacher. Ease up a little, and give yourself some validation. You deserve it!

If you are reading this, you are among the top 10% of people in the world who are in some stage of waking up. You are a special person, and a special parent, who has chosen to bring really special children into the world. And you have chosen a harder path to take in raising them. This way is much more difficult and less “efficient” than the mainstream way which uses punishment and rewards as a way to control behavior. And it will pay off both in your own relationship with your children, and also in your gift to the world, because you will have helped create a really great human being.

As Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “Your must be what you want your children to become.”  Isn’t it a breathe of fresh air to know that being your authentic self is perfect?!!

Lots of Love,

Linda Shannon

Director

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf and Compassionate Communication.

AFTER PRESCHOOL: supporting your child in the next transition ~what are the best choices for your family?”

 Topics covered will be:

Developmentally appropriate practices

Schooling options after preschool/nursery school

Academic kinders vs developmental kinders

Advocating for your child

When:             Tuesday, August 24, 6:30 to 8:30.
 
Where:          Riviera PlaySchool

Cost:               $10 per person for enrolled families, $20 per person for general public

RSVP:             by August 10, to Linda (310)408-5616

The Facilitators:

Laura Dotson LMFT, the mother of four adult children and the  grandmother of three, has over 30 years of varied experience working with  adults and children.   A long time staff member at Play Mountain Place she is currently the Psych. Consultant at Manhattan Beach Nursery School, a position she has held for 20 years.  Laura maintains a private practice in Marriage and Family therapy in the South Bay and holds a Masters Degree in Clinical psychology.  

Melody Elder M.A., the mother of an adult daughter, is a teacher and parent educator with over 30 years experience working with children and parents in nursery school, elementary school, and home-school settings.  She has taught parenting classes for South Bay Adult School and the Center for Positive Parenting and works part-time teaching and directing at Manhattan Beach Nursery School.  Melody maintains a private coaching practice in the South Bay where she facilitates parenting support groups as well as 1:1 coaching (www.awakenedheartparenting.com).  She holds a Master’s Degree in Education and in Spiritual Psychology and is a credentialed teacher in Early Childhood, Elementary, and Special Education.

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

“In our busy world, children often don’t get the extended hours to play and experiment that their young minds need in order to thrive. So the problems many children have are actually generated by too much time spent in environments in which children are expected to “behave.”  When a restricted environment isn’t balanced out by an hour or more a day when children can run hard, laugh hard, wrestle, be daring, and engage in spontaneous play, the strain shows in their behavior. The symptoms that trigger diagnoses can and often are the result of “APP”–Absence of Physical Play.”

At Riviera PlaySchool we combine a perfect balance of gross motor opportunities and FREE play in wide open environment, with fine motor discovery.  We combine the best of Montessori, Waldorf, and Reggio Emilia…  read more about why play is important in this article from Hand in Hand:

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/177/64/Attending-to-Attention-Issues

Lots of Love,

Linda

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.