“Here, Kian — some tape!  A staple!  Glue!!  A new one!” A different one!”

I would reel off the remedies like so many spinning plates, but nothing worked.  The more I tried to fix it for him, the louder and more insistent his crying would become.

My antics as “Mommy fix it” lasted for 4 and a half years, until one day (just as my arms were ready to fall off from all of that plate spinning) I realized that what Kian wanted was something I could not give him: an older, more capable body.  Fingers that could manipulate deftly, arms strong enough to move the mountains in his imagination, and legs that could run fast enough to carry his quick mind.

I also realized that what I could give him was my attention.  Maybe his crying was  a request to be seen, and heard.  I learned to stop, and rather than diving in to try to fix it, I would simply reflect what it appeared he might be feeling.

“Kian, you sound frustrated.  It looks like you are having a hard time taping that piece of cardboard to your car.”

“YEAAAACHHH!”  The end note was high enough to shatter glass.

“I wonder what you could do to make your plan happen?  Is there anything I can do to help?”

“NoOo!”

I realized that the reason why I had the overwhelming compulsion to dive in and fix his frustration is because Kian is his mother’s son.  I, too, am have some perfectionist tendencies… the same tendencies that would trigger that keening in Kian.  Maybe I just needed to take a step back and work on my own feelings about this….  Another learning opportunity.  Great (just what I was hoping for!)

Then one day, at a friend’s birthday party, Kian was playing with a whistle he had just received.  I watched him toot the whistle joyfully when suddenly, it dropped right down the sewer — as though someone had snatched it from his mouth, his lips still pursed for another toot.  One minute he was blowing through it happily, and the next, it had popped right out of his hands and dropped down into that black hole in the street.

Kian looked completely stunned, and then he started to cry long, choking sobs of desolation.  It was as though his joy had been snatched right out of his hands by something unseen and beyond his control.  I wondered whether life in his still developing body often felt like that.

As I listened to his pained sobbing, I had to fight the urge to make it better.  I resisted the urge to offer suggestions.  Instead, I let him cry, and I listened, and let him be seen and heard.  Once in a while I reflected.

“I’m sooo sad!!!”

”You’re sad.”

” I loooost it!!”

“You lost it.  What can you do?” (and NOT “what can I DO for you?”  ;)

He cried for 5 minutes more. Each of those minutes lasted an hour.  I sat by, saying nothing.  I was just “there.” I noticed his emotions, and resisted the incredible urge to dive in and smooth down ruffled feathers;  kiss Kian and make everything better.  A lot went on in those 5 minutes, but it was all in my head, and in Kian’s body.

Finally Kian seemed to reach down inside himself and pull something out.  He sat up straighter, and a glimmer of hope flashed through the tears.  He choked out, gasping through his sobs, “Hey, I know!  They have more whistles.”

“Really?  Are you sure?” I was a little skeptical — I was afraid it might have been Kian’s magical thinking that conjured up that bag of whistles, ready for the picking.

“Yes!  I saw them”  Kian was still crying, and it was hard to understand him, between the choking sobs. ” I can go back and ask them for another!”

“Ok Kian.  Let’s try.”  We hopped out of the car and walked back toward the park.

When we reached the entrance, the last of the party goers were just leaving.  His friend’s mother was one of them, and she was carrying a bag.  Kian walked right over: “Geri, do you have any more whistles?   Mine went down the sewer.”

“Well Yes, Kian. We do have more whistles.  Here you go!”  She reached into her bag and pulled out a replacement whistle for him.  A satisfied calm swept over Kian’s face, as he whistled his way all the way back to our car.  Kian was self-contained in his joy, and his  newfound power was in every bouncy step.

Kian grew a lot that day.  He stepped right into his power.  And I learned a little more about how to step back at just the right time.  Score one for mommy!

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

April 2 in Huntington Beach CA from 9 AM to 6 PM, Come all day or part of the day

With “Ecstatic 5-rhythms” dancing from 6 to 8 PM. Requested donation $15 t0 $30, no one turned away for lack of funds

“A Taste of Compassion” is a one-day workshop based on the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. Whether you are new to NVC or a long-time practitioner, we invite you to join us for a day of fun, learning and connection!

At this event people new to NVC will have the opportunity for 3 introductory sessions  with certified trainer, Mary MacKensie
* Everyone will have the opportunity to participate in a co-created forum for learning and exploring the three skills of NVC (self-empathy, empathy, and honesty/self-expression) through a blend of structured learning and “open-space technology.”

* Apply NVC to a variety of contexts, such as parenting, relationships, the workplace, processing anger, self-responsibility, making decisions, healing, creative expression,  and many others.

This event is for people who wish to:
* Develop stronger relationships;
* Foster their innate compassion;
* Interact with certified NVC trainers, facilitators, and enthusiasts in a supportive environment;
* Build community around universal values of connection, peace, and compassion in Southern California

Sessions Offered (so far) Participants will choose the sessions most meaningful for them that day.

• Introduction to NVC (Mary Mackenzie) three sessions of introduction
• Fun and Games for Learning and Practicing NVC (Anne Walton)
• Sex and NVC (Anne Walton and Rodger Sorrow)
• NVC in the workplace (Rebecca Blenz)
• Relationship Insurance (Terry LePage)
• Anger, Nonviolently (Terra)
• Freedom from Victim Thinking (Ellen Shiro)
• Playing with the NVC Dance Floors (Alicia Nowicki)
• Nonviolent Parenting (Terry LePage
• Enhancing Creative Expression with Self Empathy (Anna-Maria Petricelli)
• Transforming Core Jackals (Anne Walton)
• Being with you without losing me (Terra)
• Christianity and NVC (James Prieto)
• Empathetic Role Play (James Prieto)
• A New Way of Story Creation for Writers:  Living Energy of Needs and self integration processes (Craig Cornell)
• Whatever you have passion for and decide to call a session in Co-created Spaces

SoCal NVC http://www.socalnvc.org is hosting. See website for details

Or email alicianowicki@gmail.com

Location: Healy Residence, near Warner Ave. and Algonquin St. (details
provided with registration) Huntington Beach, CA 92649

Cost: We are requesting a donation of $15 – $30 per person to cover
expenses. If you can contribute more, then please do so. No one will be
turned away for lack of funds

I am always looking for ways to define what we practice at Riviera PlaySchool.  What we have is a unique meld of conscious or compassionate or non violent communication, attachment parenting, mindfulness, abundance, gratitude, and self-awareness, along with the an age-appropriate developmental approach toward academic and structural aspects from Montessori, Waldorf, and Reggio Emilia.  Riviera PlaySchool is exceptional because each of our teachers at playschool is an exceptional human being who has the capacity to take a step back and respond compassionately, and has the passion to be with your child in every unfolding moment. 

I recently came across a website by a woman named Becky Bailey, who happens to have authored a pretty good  description of how we approach our role as teachers here at Riviera Playschool!  Becky calls it conscious discipline, and it all starts with “Being Who You Want Your Children to Become”  (Joseph Chilton Pearce).   I am not in love with the way she defines this as a “classroom management system,” however.  Instead, I call it a way of being.

And also, as my mentor and friend Melody Elder pointed out to me, this article doesn’t give much practical advice for parents “who are tired, triggered, experiencing big real-life challenges, or who simply have had a very different way of being raised with no exposure to having their feelings heard on a deep level in an emotionally safe space.”  We provide that personally at playschool to our parents.  But the article does give a nice overview of what we accomplish at playschool on a daily basis. 

If you would like more information about Riviera PlaySchool, or are interested in any of our workshops on how to reach a place of response, rather than reaction with our children and in general life, please contact us at:

www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

Linda:  (310)408-5616

Conscious Discipline by Becky Bailey

What is Conscious Discipline?

Conscious Discipline is a comprehensive classroom management program and a social-emotional curriculum. It is based on current brain research, child development information, and developmentally appropriate practices.

Conscious Discipline has been specifically designed to make changes in the lives of adults first. The adults, in turn, change the lives of children.

Conscious Discipline is a way or organizing schools and classrooms around the concept of a School Family.  Each member of the family—both adult and child—learns the skills needed to successfully manage life tasks such as learning, forming relationships, communicating effectively, being sensitive to others’ needs and getting along with others.

Conscious Discipline empowers teachers and other adults with the Seven Powers for Self Control.

The Seven Powers of Self Control

• Perception – No one can make you mad without your permission
• Unity – We are all in this together
• Love – See the best in others
• Attention – What you focus on, you get more of
• Acceptance – The moment is as it is
• Free will – The only person you can make change is yourself
• Intention – Conflict is an opportunity to teach

These powers allow teachers to draw from within themselves to become proactive instead of reactive during moments of conflict. Teachers stay in control of themselves and positively influence children.

Self-control is not pretending to be calm in difficult moments. Self-control is the ability to reach out and empathize with others; to accept and celebrate differences; to communicate feelings directly; resolve conflicts in constructive ways; and to enjoy becoming a contributing member of a community.

From the beliefs instilled with the Seven Powers for Self Control emerge the Seven Basic Skills of Discipline.

The Seven Basic Skills of Discipline

• Composure – Becoming the person you want your children to be
• Encouragement – Building a school family
• Assertiveness – Respectfully setting limits
• Choices – Building self esteem and will power
• Positive Intent – Creating teachable moments, turning conflict into cooperation
• Empathy – Handling the fussing and the fits
• Consequences – Helping children learn from their mistakes

These skills change how adults respond to conflict in such a way as to facilitate the development of the frontal lobes in children. Through the Powers and Skills, adults stay in control of themselves and in charge of children.

As adults begin to change their attitudes and behaviors, so will the children in their care. We cannot teach behaviors and skills that we do not possess ourselves.

Ten “To Do’s” for Discipline

Tell children what to do

• Principle: What you focus on, you get more of.
• Application: Instead of saying, “No pushing, you know better than to push your brother, pushing is not nice,” say, “When you want your brother to move say, ‘Move please.’ Tell him now.” Focus on what you want your children to do!

Give children useable information, especially when you are upset.

• Principle: When you are upset you are always focused on what you don’t want.
• Application: Instead of saying, “Why isn’t this homework done? Do you want to fail? How many times do we have to go over this?” you could say, “You can start with your math homework or reading. Which is best for you?”

Help children to be successful instead of attempting to make or get them to behave.

• Principle: The only person you can make change is yourself.
• Application: How often have we attempted to make a smoker quit smoking or growing child eat her peas? There is a better way. Instead of asking yourself, “How am I going to get my child to stay in bed,” ask yourself, “How am I going to help my child be more likely to choose to stay in her bed?” The first question will give you manipulative, coercive answers. The second question will give you creative, cooperative solutions.

Use your children as resources to solve their own problems.

• Principle: Two heads are better than one.
• Application: Instead of you trying to figure out what needs to be done, ask your children for input. You could say, “What would help you finish your homework by 8:00 p.m.?” Help children solve their problems themselves.

Put your children on your “to do list” and spend time enjoying them.

• Principle: The motivation to behave comes from being in relationship with one another.
• Application: When a child says, “I don’t care,” she is really saying, “I don’t feel cared for.” Cooperation comes from connection. If your child chronically refuses to listen or tells you they don’t care, then you must start by rebuilding your relationship and rekindling family rituals.

Encourage your children during wonderful times and tough times. Do not attempt to get children to feel bad in order to behave better.

• Principle: Encouragement empowers.
• Application: Be your children’s cheerleader. Constantly tell them, “You did it,” “Way to go,” “Look at you,” or “Good for you.” When you children are struggling you might say, “I believe in you, you can do this.”

Take back your power. You are in charge.

• Principle: Whoever you believe to be in charge of your feelings, you have placed in charge of you.
• Application: Instead of saying, “Don’t make me have to pull this car over,” say, “I’m going to pull this car over until the seatbelts are fastened and everyone is safe.”  Instead of saying, “You drive me nuts,” say, “I’m going to take a few deep breaths and calm myself down.  Then I will talk to you.”  When children refuse to do what you ask state, “I’m going to show you what I want you to do.”  Then help them be successful.

Become the person you want your children to be.

• Principle: We must discipline ourselves first and our children second.
  Application: Instead of screaming, “You better get control of yourself right now,” take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Be a S.T.A.R. (Smile, Take a deep breath, And Relax). Become what you want your child to be. If you want calmness, demonstrate how to be calm.

Do not save your children from the consequences of their actions.

• Principle: Psychological pain is a signal to make changes in your life.
  Application: Help your child handle disappointing choices. Offer empathy instead of lectures after poor choices. Instead of saying, “I told you not to take that picture to school. It’s your own fault it got torn in half. That is what you get for not listening to me,” say, “How disappointing for you. I know how important that picture was to you.”  Empathy allows children to take responsibility for their actions, while lecturing allows them to blame you for their distress.

Teach children how to handle their conflicts instead of punishing them for not knowing how.

• Principle: Conflict is an opportunity to teach.
• Application: When one child comes to you tattling on the other, use these moments to teach life skills. When one sibling says, “He pushed me,” you say, “Did you like it?” The child will likely say, “No!” At this point you can say, “Go tell your brother, ‘I don’t like it when you push me.’” Use these intrusive episodes as a way to teach assertiveness skills to your children.

Become conscious of the intent behind each of your interactions. Your intent is more powerful than any words.

100 Ways to Show You Care

As parents and adults, we typically struggle a little with how to provide children the space to have their power, (and thus exclude) and also provide an opportunity for them to develop common ground.

I think it is so important, of primary importance, to allow children to have as much power over themselves as possible. Especially power over their own bodies. I think somehow that through providing children with the opportunity to have power over themselves and their environments, that they can develop empathy naturally.

And so I have, for the past few years, gone along with the thought that children should be allowed to exclude. As it was explained to me, it is a necessary factor in developing personal power.

BUT I Recently realized that THIS IS WRONG INFORMATION!!!!  EXCLUSION IS NOT a developmental stage that children grow out of when they have enough of it.

In group play, we want to help the powerless. And the question is whether we make children include others, or allow them to exclude.

It is a delicate situation. There is a fine line between using our implicit power (by being adults, by having larger bodies) to “encourage” the excluders to include, and thereby becoming the bullies in the process.

And although I have been fairly comfortable in helping children see ways they can include each other, but I was not comfortable to making them, however gently, include another child in play if they do not want to. I felt that I was somehow circumventing a developmental stage they needed to travel through, unfettered by my persuasions or values.

And I have been rethinking the old approach I was taught since I starting to read “You Can’t Say You Can’t Play,” and it is helping change my mind and find a new solution.

That way with excluded/excluder never resonated fully with me, and therefore I could never really explain the reasoning fully to anyone. That was my inkling to myself that I needed a new approach.

The approach I learned to take seems to imply that exclusion is a developmental need that children must engage in and experience fully before they can move on to inclusion. Kinda like the way sharing works, where we allow a child to have have an object until they feel secure and then they will spontaneously share. While it is true in the case of possessions, it does not work for exclusion.

It goes back, like everything, to what the unmet need is. There were 2 different needs in the dynamic at my house yesterday. Not sure I got the needs right, but there was my son, wanting to be a cool friend (be accepted) by his new friend Gerry, and Gerry, wanting to feel important? Wanting to feel powerful?

In examining the needs, I see that there are more valid ways to meet these needs. The behavior of exclusion as a tactic to meet these needs is not something I want my son to carry on with into his teen years. That would be bullying. So when will it end, if I let it go, unchecked?

I thought about how I had handled name calling in the last 2 years — same thing. I originally thought I should let it go, and not give it energy, and it would resolve itself. It is only words, after all. But name calling can be just another way of excluding. And what happened instead was that a gang mentality appeared. It was like Lord of The Flies.

Yes, children are pure. And their intentions are never evil: and yet, when their behavior is allowed to go on, unexamined, it can feed off itself. We have an important function in the lives of our children: not as authoritarians, but as authoritative coaches.

We have to think again of that mountain of egocentricity, and society/community below. Our collective goal is to help them acquire the skills to interact productively and happily with society. To become a member.

Just yesterday my son had a playdate with 2 friends. One of them (a 6 yr old who also happens to be the newest addition to the group) has been trying the exclude the 3rd friend (a 4 year old and my son’s best friend) for the last 2 playdates. This time I realized before hand what might be in store for Ari. My son had created 3 “kits” – one form each friend. He showed me them, proudly, and explained that the dumbest kit was for Ari.

I discussed in brief. First I said: I noticed last time you three played together, Gerry tried to exclude Ari and call him names. If that is your plan again this time, then it is better if we call him right now and ask him not to come.

“No! I want Ari to come.”

“OK. Then I am also wondering about this kit. How would you feel if you went over to your friend’s house, and he gave you the “dumbest” kit.?”

“OK Linda. I’ll put together the kit and you can decide whether it’s dumb.” He put together the mini figure and held it up for me to see. “What do you think? Is it dumb?”

“I don’t think it’s dumb. I think it’s kind of cool.” I stated plainly, shrugging my shoulders. “I think it’s great that you thought of making kits for each of your friends.”

“Yes, and don’t forget they are supposed to fill them up with their own figures from my box once they get here.”

“Ok. I just want you to think about how you will play with both friends today. And if that is too hard, then don’t invite one of them over. Sometimes people think they can’t play with more than one friend at a time. And that’s OK, too.”

“Why is that, Linda?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it just takes practice. But it’s worth it. It can be more fun to have more friends together.” As I talked with him, I remembered having a similar conversation with my own mother when I was 6, and I had been excluded. Only that time, my mother told me that 3 people cannot be friends together. She had laid it down as a law. How dismal is that?

I saw my son listening intently to me, and I saw the wheels turning in his head. I have a rule with conversations: 25 words or less. Otherwise the children turn off their ears, and float on down the road. After 25 words, my voice becomes the teacher’s horn voice in Charlie Brown. “Bwaap bwap bwap bwap bwaap.”
The boys arrived, and though of course I had to intervene a couple of times to help Gerry understand about name calling and using threats, Kian happily included Ari in the play.

At one point when Gerry said to Kian “Ari can’t have cereal, right?!” Kian seemed to have not heard the remark at all, and he said to Ari “Would you like some, Ari?”
The three boys simply needs to know what the rules of engagement were. They just needed to know what the limits were. And this is not knowledge they are born with.

This is why we are in their lives. And it is our job to be sure that when we are setting down those limits, we are not doing so out of fear, or control issues. We have to be coming from as much clarity as possible.

Some might say I usurped my son’s power by not allowing him to exert his power to exclude. I disagree. The proof is in the pudding, as they say. I look at my son, and see that he is grounded, strong, confident, joyful, spontaneous, imaginative, fulfilled, and opinionated. My son is an awesome person, who is thoughtful and considerate, and has many friends. He speaks his truth clearly to anyone, adults and children alike. I am loving the person he is, and my guidance for him is helping him become a success in the world.

If he actually chose me as a spirit, then he chose me at least in part for my experience on earth, and the answers I have. If I fail to share with him my wisdom, then I am neglectful in allowing him to flounder and fail. It could be so much easier for him than it was for me — because he has me and my husband as parents.

—-
I know that there are also different kinds of exclusion. There are different reasons for it.

The kind of exclusion I am discussing above seems to fulfill some kind of self esteem issue. A need for power, a need to push someone else down to fill big enough in our own skin.

Today we had an impromptu staff meeting before school started about exclusion. We all discussed the approach I wrote about. Then the teachers put it into action. Ari, Gerry, and Kian were all at playschool today, and so of course the situation was recast!

And this time, the 3 boys were at the top of the structure, and Kian told a 4th boy: you can’t come up here!

The teacher asked: how does that feel? I know when I have been excluded, I felt bad inside. Kian agreed, and he said “But Heather, there isn’t enough room up here for more people. When more people come up, it’s crowded!”

(Teacher) Heather said “Oh! Well, that makes total sense. Maybe you could say that, then, to Jerry. I know that if you told me that, then I wouldn’t feel bad, I would understand!”

Kian: “Jerry, you can’t come up here right now because it will be too crowded, but you can be on the bottom!”

So although I know that it is different in classrooms than at home, it is still our job as teacher to mentor good citizenship. To be the best we can be, to offer guidance for their journey.

That’s why we shouldn’t judge them — they are just struggling to figure it out.

And if we take the time, they really reflect on what we have to offer them.

Like Bev said once, with a child who is really having a hard time, if we can get down on their level and be there with them — and let them know we are in it with them: “We’ll get through this together” goes a long way. Kids just want to be successful.

—-

One point I want to make clear: when I compare exclusion to sharing, I did not mean to say they are related.

What I meant by the comparison is simply that many people seem to think that exclusion is a developmental stage that children must travel through and work out on their own. Just as sharing is.

And my current professor at UCLA, Karen Fite, helped me see that the precise difference between the sharing thing and the exclusion thing is that though both are fear-based, with sharing, they will grow into the behavior of sharing once they have filled up. With exclusion, the act is often driven by “exclude them before they exclude us” or “unite before we become the outsider” which is part of our general society, and leads to competitiveness, and also lack of a community mentality, and instead a gang mentality…

So if they are indeed excluding (gang mentality) then you can talk to them about it.
However, I think you are including “not wanting to share” behavior in this — and that is not what I was talking about. The “not wanting to share behavior” (“go away” as protection of a plan or property) can look like exclusion, but is not exclusion. It is simply not sharing. Exclusion has to do with power, and self-esteem. Sharing has to do with lack. We already know that sharing is something the child can work through more or less on their own. With one caveat — I suggest to them less harsh language to use when expressing those needs that look like exclusion but are not what I am talking about here:

“I need some space”

“I want to play by myself with this plan (and then you can have a turn)”

I see the fine line here, but you might notice that at 4 years old some kids may start to band together against another kid. That is the exclusion I am talking about.

And then they need to be given better tools to use to overcome their fears, and successfully connect with other children. This is what many non traditional educational approaches, like waldorf, montessori, reggio emilia, and constructivist schools are trying to accomplish, just as we are.

Lots of Love,

Linda

I have heard that he is amazingly peaceful and tends to be the one who resolves the conflicts between and among the playing partners (when I am not around).

But when I read “resolves conflicts without aggression or hurtful language,” I flinch. I do hear “Stop it, you idiot!” in the yard at playschool… and it is often my own son who is uttering those words (like little stabs into my ears). And I explain to him, or whoever else is yelling them, that this doesn’t work for 2 reasons:

a) calling him an idiot doesn’t tell him anything about what you are wanting him to do better next time

b) calling names is like hitting, because you are using a word as a weapon to hurt.

And still the name calling continues.

I guess I should take refuge in the fact that my son is only 5, and the prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control, is not fully developed until the age of 27. But I still get tired saying it over and over again, for months… “please tell him what you don’t want him to do. Don’t call him a name. That’s not OK… name calling is using words as weapons…..

It seems that every few months we circle back to this point again. And I get so frustrated at times with his incredible lack of progress in this area, that I am often not able to stop and observe what is going on for him in that moment. If I can just climb down from my judgmental throne and take up my post as Kian’s champion, his unfailing supporter, then I can take a good look and see what has changed for him that made him lose the impulse control he so recently had mastery over. And it is always something that is a new challenge. This time it is a certain new boy at school who cannot control his own impulsivity and really intrudes on the space of others. He is 4 years old, and still working on impulse control…like everyone who has not yet reached 30, in fact.

So my 5 year old big man (he doesn’t allow me to call him a little boy) just needs a little slack, really. We all lose our control once in a while, even those of us waaay past the age of 27.

And just because so many parents think I am above all of this, and even perhaps a kind of “super mom;” and just because my son is incredibly adept at conflict resolution among his peers, doesn’t mean that he travels through the developmental stages any quicker. I just have to remember that my job is to stand by him and be his champion, so he doesn’t have to feel alone or judged for having traveling through them fully.

Lots of love,
Linda Shannon

We all know that our children are not reflections of us, but every once in a while we get tricked into that lie again! It sneaks in, and we spring into RE-action, rather than mindful response. That way of “reactive” thinking is a trap that often leads us to seek approval from the random parents around us. It can throw us into a tizzy of self-judgment: Oh my gosh my child is screaming (at me)! What is that father/store clerk/woman thinking about us/me?! Instead of, “Oh my gosh my child is screaming… what does my child need that I can give him?” The irony is that those random parents who we are trying to please in that hot moment of crisis don’t actually matter to us as much as our children do, nor are they even in line with our own core values!

That self-judgment is probably the most difficult thing to overcome in being parent. It seems we are never enough: we never do enough for our children, we don’t do it well enough, we don’t love them enough, we aren’t patient enough with them, we aren’t energetic enough for them, we aren’t sweet enough for them. The JUDGE inside us tells us in so many ways how we simply aren’t enough for our children.

Perhaps the most important thing about being a parent is to know that we are mentoring all of the time. As Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “We must be the person who we want our child to become.” So if we want our child to love themselves as they deserve to be loved, and to respect themselves with the respect they deserve, and to be OK with being “less than perfect,” then we have to offer that same regard to ourselves first. Ease up on yourself when you are less than “perfect.” (What is, IS perfect, because it IS!)

You have all of the answers your family needs. When in doubt, tune into your your inner compass. You are the guiding light of the house; “mother (father) knows best.” Your child chose you for the answers you have for her. Your child chose you for the parent you are right now — not some perfect parent you will become someday. So the great news is that you get to relax and trust yourself! You ARE enough!

Our children are here to teach us as much as we are here to provide guidance to them. Who else in your life has the ability to take you deep within yourself on a journey of self-discovery and re-ignite that fire within?

Parenting from balance is as simple as taking a step back, and responding to life. How refreshing and so much easier it is to relax into your own family groove, than to keep a stiff upper lip and stay in that grueling race with the Jones’es!

Lots of Love,
Linda Shannon

www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.  

(310)408-5616