Now, typically I would simply agree, but something told me not to on that day.  So instead of putting pen to paper, I said “Nandu, I will write it.  But why don’t you?”

Linda!  Nandu puffed out in exasperation “I CAN’T write!  I’m just 4!!”

“I looked at her “Nandu” do you know what writing is?”

“No” she said, eyes wide in wonder.

“Writing is just some marks that you make to remind yourself of what you wanted to say.  It is kind of a code.”

“Really?!” Said Nandu, in delight.

“Yes!” I said “And someday, you will learn a set of marks that everyone else can read, as well.  But right now, you can just make your own and that will work.”

“Ok!” she said.  And she excitedly began putting her story down on paper, shielding her paper from my prying eyes as she wrote.

What a success story!  We don’t want to extinguish their excitement for learning… we want to light their fire for it.

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
Parenting From Balance
A mindful, “kid-centric” hands-on learning preschool program for the “whole child,” in a nature-ful, organic environment.  Riviera PlaySchool is inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia and Non-Violent Communication.

It is guaranteed to stop a child in his tracks and turn their happy, healthy, neuron-growing science exploration into a tirade of tears in seconds.

So what do we do instead?

We look for the need…and offer a solution:

“What’s your plan?  Are you wanting to balance things?  Hmmmm…..my antique tiffany china won’t work because it may break.  How about using these blocks instead?”

At Riviera PlaySchool, “What’s your plan?” is a common question. (And it’s a question that provides a some breathing space for us to de-charge and get into response mode!)

We, as teachers and parents, have a role where we provide some guidance, a lot of trust to allow our children the freedom to explore (and thus fuel their brain growth), and plenty of compassionate understanding that they are doing their best.

“Providing” a limit, to me, is ”giving” help to my child with where he needs to set a limit on his actions so he can then connect with society (and ultimately not be an outcast.)  Understanding limits allows my child greater freedom.  He now has a choice:  he can choose whether he wants to be part of, or apart from, society, when he understands society’s limits.  Then he has empathy for others. (It’s all in the same bucket)

All of us, including our children, really just want to connect.

The trick is that the limits must be age-appropriate.  We have greatly different expectations for 2 year olds than for 4 year old.  (If you have not had Early Childhood Development training you can read the series “Your 2 Year Old, Your 3 Year Old, Your 4 Year Old, etc. to understand what age-appropriate expectations means.)

Bev Bos uses an analogy of a child starting out on top of a mountain.  They begin on the top of their mountain of egocentricity.  As they travel through their various developmental stages, they are slowly making their way down that mountain.  Society sits at the bottom of the mountain.  It is our job to guide them, down the mountain…  And I like to add, to guide them down that mountain with their gifts intact.

—

At Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, California, we provide
a mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

and will run through Friday, February 17, 2012.  Enrollment for the 2011 year is on-going.  We hope you will join one of our Parent Information Nights

which will be held in our classroom at St.Andrew's Church in Redondo Beach.

Enrolling 5-7 Year Old Students - Please attend one or more of the following
Tuesday, November 15, 2011 - 7:00pm
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 - 7:00pm
Monday, January 30, 2012 - 7:00pm (“Changing Education Paradigms” Workshop with Melody Elder)

Register at http://enrollattkg.eventbrite.com/

The application is available at knowinggarden.org

--Our classroom is open. We are not improving on the existing model, we are part of the movement that is redefining elementary school.

-- Every student keeps a portfolio of work to showcase their individual growth.

-- We use the State Standards only as a touchstone for inspiring projects.  We do not test nor assess based on those standards

-- Every student spends time analyzing, integrating, and applying concepts to real-life learning opportunities. Compared to traditional schools, our day includes conflict resolution,

community meetings, more writing and project-based assignments, zero fill-in-the-blanks worksheets and currently, no homework.

-- Every student participates in Math, Science and Engineering, Language Arts, Storytelling,  Music, Art, Environmental studies and Physical activity

all facilitated by a credentialed teacher. 

The Knowing Garden is a non-profit, private school open to anyone.  Priority goes to students who apply during the Open Enrollment period.

by Janet Gonzalez- Mena, MA  “Child Family and Community”

A narrow and simplistic view of what is “Ready to Learn” focuses on teaching academics to young children.  This view ignores the huge societal changes that need to come about to ensure that all children have an equal chance for academic achievement in school. To truly have an equal chance for school success we need to eradicate poverty. give everybody health care benefits, ensure enough nutritious food, and provide decent housing.  Focusing on early academics is a cheaper but far less effective road to school success than what the brain research indicates.  Good health and social -emotional stability in the early years of life are the real roads to later achievement.  Cognitive development is vitally tied to  the social-emotional realm of development (Lally, 1998; Shore, 1997; Zigler, Finn-Stevenson, & Hall, 2003)  Instead of working toward a decent life for every child, the major societal approach is to use standardized tests to see who is behind in academic skills and then use remediation devices to catch them up.  It will take a few years to discover that this band-aid approach won’t work to take care of the wounds too many children in this country suffer in their early years.

It may not take years to discover the other problems inherent in basing educational systems solely around standardized tests.  Testing works as a stratifying tool through cultural bias.  Teachers, in order to raise their class test scores, find themselves “teaching to the test,” which means  they minimize problem solving and creativity i their classroom activities.  The tests dictate what children need to know regardless of their knowledge, experiences, and cultural differences.

Kindergarten readiness, a hot topic among politicians, is also a hot topic among parents.  With this in mind, let’s look at how kindergarten readiness goes far beyond learning the ABC’s and starts way back in infancy.  Here are some general indicators that early childhood educators agree show children are prepared to enter kindergarten:

1. Children who are ready for kindergarten are those who feel good about themselves.

The problem is that much of the discipline used makes children feel bad about themselves.  Children don’t feel good about themselves  by being made to feel bad.  Discipline should not only leave self-esteem intact but should also actually raise it when adults use modeling, guidance, and feedback.  Communication is an important part of discipline; adults should discuss feelings and behavior instead of criticizing  the child.  Adults who understand the importance of communication separate the child from the behavior, saying things like “I won’t let you hit your sister – it hurts her” instead of “Stop that, you bad boy!”

2. Children who are ready for kindergarten are those who gain knowledge from mistakes.

Some of the best lessons come from things that don’t work.  It’s easy to take the lesson out of the mistake by rescuing children so they don’t learn about the consequences of their actions.  Or the opposite situation occurs when the adult reacts to a mistake with harsh punishment.  When children become fearful of mistakes, they quit risking.  Reasonable risks are good learning devices.  This child who avoids them misses out on a lot of important lessons.

3. Children who are ready for kindergarten can communicate.

They have lots of experience in talking and listening.  They know how to carry on a conversation.  A conversation means not just talking but listening and responding appropriately as well.  Adults should start emphasizing communication early.  Even infants enjoy conversation and taking turns “talking.”  They also play with language.  As children grow older, keeping a playful attitude toward language helps encourage it.

4. Children who are ready for kindergarten can weigh alternatives and make sound choices.

Visualizing alternatives and their consequences in an important life skill.  Children who arrive in kindergarten with plenty of opportunities to practice this skill come better prepared.  When the “prepared child” gets hit by another child, she asks herself, “What are some ways I can react, and what are the consequences of each?”  The child without the ability to visualize alternatives just lashes back without thinking.  Aggression, in the face of aggression is a poor choice.  Some children never learn that, unfortunately.  Some children have no ability to imagine any response other than hitting.

5. Children who are ready for kindergarten can concentrate and focus

If they can’t do that, the problem may be too much television.  It might seem as though children develop a long attention span from watching television, because they are willing to sit and stare at it for long hours.  But turn it off and what happens?  They don’t know how to entertain themselves.  We add to the problem by over scheduling their time.  Children don’t develop long attention spans when they are never allowed to play for long periods, never free to follow their inclinations to get involved in something of their own choice, never encouraged to work at length on some project they are interested in (Elkind, 2007).  Adults tend to interrupt children, hurry them up, get them going on the next event.  Preschool programs can contribute to the problem if they keep children on a tight schedule, move them rapidly from one activity to another, and never give them a chance to work at length or in depth on anything.

No Child Left Behind has no redeemable qualities.  It is creating children who lack critical thinking skills, are less able to manage themselves socially, and classrooms that disenfranchise children based on their intelligence.  The effect of linking accountability to achievement as proved by testing is to make the teaches anxious to have only the most teachable students in their classroom.  What if your child is not a “star” in every subject…. would you want her or him to be made to feel unwanted?

Just passing this on….from Linda, with Love.

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA
PARENTING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent (Compassionate or Authentic) Communication.

www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

“People are people no matter how small.”  ~ Horton

A communication workshop for parents

Date:  Monday, October 10,  7:00 to 8:30 pm

Call to reserve your seat: (310)408-5616

Parenting is a life-long learning process of nurturing our connection with our children.  Parenting is “messy” business.  There is no “prescription” for dealing with the day-to-day challenges of raising children.  There are, however, basic communication tools that can assist parents in dealing positively with challenges, while deepening the relationship between parent and child.     

Workshop Content:

This workshop will address issues of communication between parent and child. Although theory will be presented, the emphasis of the workshop will focus on participants’ specific situations or concerns.  Among the tools discussed, will be:

• Intention (a way of “being” with ourselves and with our children)
• “I” messages (owning our feelings and perceptions)
• Resolving conflicts peacefully (win/win model…everyone’s needs are met)
• Facilitating “problem-solving” (creative solutions)
• Honoring feelings (parent’s and child’s)

Introducing Facilitators Laura Dotson and Melody Elder

Laura Dotson M.A., LMFT, the mother of 4 adult children and Ruby’s, Hyla’s, and Ayro’s grandmother, has over 40 years of varied experience working with adults and children.  She was a staff member at Play Mountain Place for 10 years, and for the past 15 years has been the Psych.Consultant at Manhattan Beach Nursery School.  Laura maintains a private practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist in the South Bay, and holds a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology.

Melody Elder M.A.Ed., the mother of an adult daughter, is a teacher and parent educator with over 40 years experience working with children and parents in nursery school, elementary school, and home-school settings.  She was a parent education instructor for South Bay Adult School and the Center for Positive Parenting for 14 years.  She works part-time as a teacher and on-site director at Manhattan Beach Nursery School for over the course of 25 years. Melody maintains a private coaching practice in the South Bay where she facilitates parenting support groups as well as meeting 1:1 with parents (www.awakenedheartparenting.com). She holds a Master’s Degree in Education and in Spiritual Psychology and is a credentialed teacher in Early Childhood, Elementary, and Special Education.

Next Presentation:

Date: Monday, October 10

Time:  7:00 to 8:30 pm

Admission/Fees: $20 per person (please pay in advance to Riviera PlaySchool)

Parking:  Free!!!

And what exactly defines “success?”

In early childhood, we often judge success on how much a child knows.  This leads many parents to put their children into “academic” programs that focus on abstract knowledge, rather than experiential, play-based programs. Is this drive for children to know lots of things, and to perform their knowledge, for the benefit of the children, or their parents, or the result of a misinformed society creating academic standards that are not developmentally appropriate?

These programs have a child ready (academically) for today’s’ highly academic kindergartens by the time they are 5!  So the bigger quest here is how to get parents to relax, and understand that development takes time; and that time is dictated only by the clock within their child. And there is no judgment on this. Some kids are ready to read at 4, and some are ready at 8. It doesn’t mean that either is better. They will all read finally, by third grade. Today’s kids are not failing the academic standards — the academic standards are failing our kids!  Everyone has their own timetable. If we honor it, then they can bloom.

I read somewhere that Einstein didn’t speak until he was 5. If he had been born in this decade, he would be facing evaluation by psychiatrists, and probably drug therapy for his potential autism or other neurological problem… and then what would the world lose?

A child is ready to learn when s/he is ready to learn. I read somewhere else that any academic advantage a child has in kindergarten is short-lived, and outgrown by the time they are in 4th grade. This means that if you take their 3rd and 4th years, and spend them drilling on alphabet and counting, you have simply wasted their time. These children might know how to spell apple, but do they know that an apple is crisp, and cool, and sweet, and white in the inside, red on the outside?  They might know that one plus one is two, but do they know that “one” weighs less than “two”?

It also reminds me of the new “your baby can read” fad. What is the sense of this? It reminds me of something I did, when I first met my husband. He is a native Farsi speaker, which is written in the Arabic alphabet. I wanted to show him that I could read it, so I memorized the alphabet in one night. Not a big deal, really, since there are only 26 or so symbols to remember.  In the morning I demonstrated my new ability to read Farsi by reading the title of the Persian newspaper. And my husband blandly remarked  “very good. impressive. Now tell me what it means.”

The same goes for these little guys who are drilled to learn abstract facts and codes. They can definitely do it — that is not even in question. Their minds are supple sponges, ready to soak up anything within reach. But when we give them things to learn that are driven by our agenda, is that to their benefit, or ours? Are we allowing them to develop their gifts? Are we even allowing them to develop naturally?

And this pressure we feel to keep our child moving in rhythm with the rest of their society is all governed by “standards.” And those standards for children are not developmentally appropriate. Kindergarten is intended as an arena for social and emotional developmental, and first grade a transitional year as our children move from the concrete to the abstract. The system now has foreshortened this in a disastrous way… in fact, many people now refuse to send their child to kindergarten until the age of 6, to avoid the stressful experience their child may encounter in today’s academic and achievement-oriented kindergartens.

In setting guideline for appropriate standards for young people, most challenges arise because the people in charge lack an understanding of developmental milestones and stages. It is pervasive, throughout our society, and trickles down to the parents’ level. The stigma of having a child who is “slow” is a hard one to bear. And if your child doesn’t measure up according to academic standards, then he the implication is that he is a little inferior than the rest of the “normal” population. Ouch! It’s hard not to take that one personally. This is your crown jewel, your little prince, the apple of your eye. A chip off the old block. And you have just been informed that he is not quite good enough. (And what does that say about you…?) And the funny thing is that there is really no “not measuring up” at all! If we all understood ages and stages, then most of these judgments about our children would not be made at all!

Just because our society has advanced into the computer age does not mean that children do not still need to develop from the ground, up. We need to allow children the opportunity to experience the REAL world before they advance into the abstract. We need to let them pick and eat and hold an apple, before we expect them to recognize that a black line drawing represents one.

But the bigger challenge, as educators and child advocates, is how to express this to parents, caretakers, and other educators in a way that they will embrace. How to express this without being judgmental and therefore turning them off completely to what we have to say (and therefore losing the opportunity to make a positive change in someone’s life, and in the world itself.)

www.RivieraPlaySchool.com

Riviera PlaySchool
TEACHING FROM BALANCE
A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-Violent Communication.

Lots of Love,
Linda Shannon

As a result, I learned that a child who is listened to with interest, feels interesting.  And I also learned that for a child who is not heard at all, it is worse than the opposite.  They don’t simply feel uninteresting: they feel invisible.  Like if they were not here, no one would notice.  I know this because I felt it.  (Did you?)

We also all know that every feeling is valid.  We’re feeling it, and therefore it’s “OK.”  If we exclude “negative” feelings, and only allow “positive” feelings,” then the world would be a very sad place, devoid of true emotion.  Hmm…in some ways easer, huh?!  But as a parent, I have to evaluate my own feelings about the situation at hand, and then keep them separate from my child’s feelings…and allow my children to have their own experience.  (And in the process, I just might learn something from them!)

Naomi Aldort talks about taking a step back and allowing our children to have their own experience of life; and Bryron Katie talks about self acceptance in “Loving What Is.”

Then I remember: the only way I can arrive at a place of total acceptance of others is by accepting myself completely beforehand.  I have to start by accepting my own emotions, without judgment.  That’s a hard one at times…  especially when my “good mom” barometer is keeping score.  OUCH!!  But then I remember that we are all in this journey together.  It’s like Rumi says, we are all stones in a stream, polishing ourselves against each other.

For example, I still get the urge to hide my face when I cry.  I know this came from my parents telling me to go to my room, or they would “give me something to cry about.”  And that came from their inability to feel the pain that my crying triggered in them. AND because I know this, I do not repeat it with my own children.

Life is amazing.  I am so lucky to be awake for this journey with my children!

XOXO

Linda Shannon

It is Never too Early to Begin Reasoning with your Child.

Parenting can be like tobogganing down a flight of stairs on a swatch of cardboard: smooth and easy, with just a couple of (well placed) bumps and bruises!  A good guideline for accomplishing this is to swap shoes with your child: treat them as you would like to be treated.  And like Horton says: “People are People no Matter How Small.”

My son (who is not a genius though I would like to think he is) could communicate his feelings very well at 18 months.  He told me that there were “too many kids” at nursery school, he told me that “Walter is my mean friend” because “he hits me” and much more. Pretty sophisticated communication for a tot who was still cutting his linguistic teeth.  And yet, in my experience, this level of communication it is simply typical of what the children at playschool are capable of.

At playschool, we start from a place of assuming that the children may be able to understand at least part of our communication.  If we were instead to assume they could not understand, then the limits would be instantly set in stone (by us!)  So instead, while we don’t require them to understand, we do provide them with an opportunity to if they are able.

And we don’t forget that even non verbal cues (our actions) are an impressive and sometimes indelible form of communication.

As you know, in the world of NVC (which includes playschool, of course) we do not punish as a way to control behavior.  Instead, we view behavior as a tactic to meet an unmet need.  We look under the behavior to identify the unmet need, and then coach the child with a better, more successful tactic they could use instead.  Punishment teaches nothing more than bullying.  Especially in the case of hitting — how would punishment teach a person that hitting/hurting is not OK?  How would hurting a person teach them not to hurt others?

In the case with many children who hit, they often have caretakers who use force with them.  They do so with the best of intentions — for example, they pull things out of their children’s hands out of fear that the child will hurt themselves or break the object in question, or they move their child bodily rather than asking them to move.  But the net result is that they use force as a means to control behavior. This teaches the child, very experientially, to use force with other children as a way to engage, and to control.

A good guideline for interacting with children is to swap shoes: we like to strive to treat others as we would like to be treated.  And from there, it is all like tobogganing down a flight of stairs on a swatch of cardboard: smooth and easy, with just a couple of bumps and bruises!

Love,

Linda

Riviera PlaySchool in Redondo Beach, CA

TEACHING FROM BALANCE

A Mindful program for the ‘Whole Child,’ inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf and Compassionate Communication.

My husband (my best buddy and also nemesis, at times) and I went out to see Shutter Island last fall.  Oh my gosh it was shocking.  I was not up for it.  But very well done.  If you love superbly fine actors like Leonardo DiCaprio, and Ben Kingsley, and you crave the psychological thrill of Alfred Hitchcock, the cinematography of Stanley Kubric, and the drama of Martin Scorsese, then this is for you.

Ben Kingsley, always amazing, played a sinister-looking yet surprisingly humanitarian head psychologist in a cutting edge psychological institute for criminally insane people.

And this brings me to why I would be writing about a movie on this blog: I was surprised to find that his character was an advocate for something resembling non violent communication!  He said in one place in the movie (to paraphrase) ‘All these people need is someone to listen to them.  They just need to be heard.  And through being heard, they will hopefully arrive at a place of taking responsibility of their actions.  They will do away with the blame.  And thus they can live life fully, here, and in the now.  In the present.  In reality.’

And if you haven’t heard of non violent communication, then maybe you’ve heard of The Four Agreements.  It is basically just another way to express non violent communication.  There are many ways to describe that way of being in the world.

At Riviera PlaySchool, we have all of our teachers read “The Four Agreements” to read, and we let them know that this is how we want to operate within our community.  We also send them downtown (Los Angeles) to train with Ruth Beaglehole at the Echo Center (formerly the Center for Non Violent Education and Parenting.)

If we could all just try to come from that place, then the world would instantly shift to a much more peaceful and welcoming place to be.