Saturday, October 20, 2018

Taking a Step Back Can Provide All The Freedom your Child Needs!

December 15, 2012 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

Taking a Step Back

I think I am clear that my children are not tiny little reflections of myself, but every once in a while I get tricked into that lie again!  It sneaks in, and I spring into RE-action, rather than mindful response. That way of “reflective” thinking is a trap that leads me to seek approval from the random parents around me.  I am thrown into a tizzy of self-judgment: Oh my gosh my child is screaming (at me)! What is that father/store clerk/woman thinking about us/me?! Instead of, “Oh my gosh my child is screaming… what does my child need that I can give him?” The irony is that those parents who we are trying to please in that hot moment of crisis don’t actually matter to us as much as our own children do, nor are they even in line with our own core values!

That self-judgment is probably the most difficult thing to overcome in being parent. It seems I am never enough: I never do enough for my children, we don’t do it well enough, we don’t love them enough, we aren’t patient enough with them, we aren’t energetic enough for them, we aren’t sweet enough for them. That condemning JUDGE inside us tells us in so many ways how we simply aren’t enough for our children.  How do we quiet that voice once and for all?

Perhaps the most important thing about being a parent is to know that we are mentoring all of the time. As Joseph Chilton Pearce says, “We must be the person who we want our child to become.” So if we want our child to love themselves as they deserve to be loved, and to respect themselves with the respect they deserve, and to be OK with being “less than perfect,” then we have to offer that same regard to ourselves first. Ease up on yourself when you are less than “perfect.” (What is, IS perfect, because it IS!)

You have all of the answers your family needs. When in doubt, tune into your your inner compass. You are the guiding light of the house; “mother (father) knows best.” Your child chose you for the answers you have for her. Your child chose you for the parent you are right now — not some perfect parent you will become someday. So the great news is that you get to relax and trust yourself! You ARE enough!

Our children are here to teach us as much as we are here to provide guidance to them. Who else in your life has the ability to take you deep within yourself on a journey of self-discovery and re-ignite that fire within?

Parenting from balance is as simple as taking a step back, and responding to life. How refreshing and so much easier it is to relax into your own family groove, than to keep a stiff upper lip and stay in that grueling race with the Jones’es!

Comments

One Response to “Taking a Step Back Can Provide All The Freedom your Child Needs!”
  1. natalie says:

    Thank you so much Linda once again. This is such a wonderful piece you have written.
    First of all, years ago I used to be one of the parents who felt uncomfortable about my son having an emotional outburst in public as I used to want to appear perfect(through my child). But even more so, I felt the need to always hold my composure. It is certainly less complicated for some others when you yourself are perfectly composed.
    I just want to share with you a situation I was in quite a while ago which was very emotional for me. My mother called from Australia checking how I was. I was a bit teary so I walked out of the room not wanting young Jonas to feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to have a cry and a quiet talk with my mother for a moment.
    After a while Jonas walked into the room, didn’t say a word and just came to me and wrapped me in his nearly 5 year old arms. In doing this he let me know that feeling bad was ok. I am sure the reason he was so wise and comforting on that day is due to what we had learned in the time he went to Riviera Playschool – that feelings are important. It is incredible how my relationship has changed with my son since we have learned that being vulnerable around eachother is a healthy way to show who we really are. We have mutual respect. We can all have emotions and it is nice when a loved one is there as you work through these. Yes I guide him through his growing years, but like you say having Jonas has taught me too – becoming a mother has been my greatest learning experience : )

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