Friday, September 29, 2023

Needs and Desires, part 1

November 30, 2010 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©


Parents commonly say things like, “You need to put

your toys away and get ready for bed.”

Such statements put kids in a double bind if they

don’t *feel* like complying. Who should they

believe, their parents or their own feelings?

It’s a loss either way.

“You NEED to” is really a euphemism for “you HAVE

to.” It’s a way of cloaking coercion.

If you don’t intend to give your child a choice, be

honest and state your command *as* a command: “Put

your toys away and get ready for bed.” If that feels

rude, maybe your feelings are trying to tell you

something. 🙂

You may realize that the real issue is *your* needs.

That would be a step in the right direction, but

don’t stop there… A shift in focus from needs to

desires is the key that will unlock your creativity.

(Tomorrow: Part 2)

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Copyright (c) 2010 by Scott Noelle

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