Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Helicoptering and Inner Compasses

December 10, 2011 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

I have been ruminating on helicoptering.  You know, that thing that we do at the park when we are afraid of offending other people via our child’s poor behavior.  “Tommy!  Don’t throw sand!  Share your toys!”

I just have to say that “helicoptering”  is not only unnecessary, but it steals your child’s confidence….it damages their connection to their personal “inner compass”  (that thing that allows then to learn through pure observation)…and replaces it with a radar that tunes to us for their navigational information.  You see the dillemma, right?  If they defer to our lead and fail to develop their own inner guidance, then they will defer to someone else’s lead when they leave our nest.

This is not to say that we should neglect kids to the point of creating  another “lord of the flies,” but they don’t need so much OVERT direction from us.  Most of the time, if we just respect them and trust that they are always doing their best and coming from a place without malice, they will eventually learn the (social) things we are wanting them to learn, because they are always, naturally, tuning into us.
In the meantime, we have to contend with our parental fears that we just might be raising a monster…   and THEN, the trick is that we must look at ourselves, and know that whoever we are, they will become.   So take a deep breathe and relax.  Your children are developing perfectly, and will become beautiful, loving, compassionate, (courteous, caring, happy, productive….) people, who say thank you and please….just like you!
Stay Tuned for Our Next Blog Post: Helicoptering Versus Guiding

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