Are You Listening?

When you and I are talking together, often or seldom do. . .

• you make me feel as if this is the most important thing you could be doing right now and that your time is truly mine.
• your attention is divided. You interrupt our conversation by answering the phone or addressing the needs of others who come by your door.
• you begin shaking your head or saying “‘no'” before I finish.
• you make references to other conversations; there is a history to our communication.
• you fidget and squirm and look at the clock as though you can’t wait to get on to other, more important, projects and conversations.
• you begin asking questions before I finish my message.
• you look me in the eye and really focus your attention on me.
• you ask questions that let me know you weren’t really listening.
• you finish my sentences for me as though nothing I have to say could be new to you.
• you express interest by asking thoughtful questions and by contributing your insights.
• you change the agenda by taking over and changing the content of the conversation.
• you follow up on what we discussed and keep me posted on what is happening.
• you are sensitive to the tone of what I have to say and respond respectfully.
• you give me credit for ideas and projects that grow out of our communications.
• you try to speed things up and leap ahead with ideas or conclusions as though we’re in a rush.
• you smile at me and make me feel comfortable and valued.
• you make jokes about things that are serious to me and thereby belittle my concerns.
• you get defensive and argue before I can fully explain my point.
• you seem to assume I have something worthwhile to say.
• you ask questions which demonstrate your efforts to understand what I have to say.
• whether or not you agree with me, you make me feel that my opinions and feelings are respected.

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