Monday, July 15, 2024

a note about consistency

May 1, 2013 by  
Filed under Parenting From Balance©

Hello Parents,

I have been thinking about this lately, and wanted to share with you my thoughts. Society tells us that parents need to be CONSISTENT in order to be effective and responsible. If we aren’t ‘consistent,’ then we will send a message to our child that they can “get away with it,” and then all hell will break loose! We will have a child who is out of control; a monster, who manipulates everything to their own end.

This need to be “consistent” is a fear-based reaction. We all know that life changes from moment to moment. What is absolutely not “ok” one moment, is often perfectly fine the next. How artificial to be stuck in a myriad of rules created just to teach a lesson to our child. And if you examine the rules themselves, are they really timeless? Will any of them teach our children something about being a better person in the world?

The only consistency any parent needs is to always connect with their inner self and respond, rather than react, from peace. The next time you need to answer your child, touch base with your inner compass, and then answer. Are you coming from fear, from reaction, from rote response (just because your mother did it that way?) Ask yourself whether one more book, for example, will harm your child, or show him that you really love spending time reading to him. Or will that cookie before dinner really kill her appetite? (Or, by making dessert the final “course” of a meal, are we really just elevating it to a special rank, and creating more allure around it, more “pull” toward it?)

Lots of Love,

Linda Shannon
Riviera PlaySchool, a Redondo Beach preschool for attachment parents

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