Monday, July 15, 2024

a note about consistency

March 15, 2009 by  
Filed under Parenting From BalanceĀ©

Hello Parents,

I have been thinking about this lately, and wanted to share with you my thoughts. Society tells us that parents need to be CONSISTENT in order to be effective and responsible. If we aren’t consistent, then we will send a message to our child that they can “get away with it,” and then all hell will break loose! We will have a child who is out of control; a monster, who manipulates everything to their own end.

This need to be “consistent” is a fear-based reaction. We all know that life changes from moment to moment. What is absolutely not “ok” one moment, is often perfectly fine the next. How artificial to be stuck in a myriad of rules created just to teach a lesson to our child. And if you examine the rules themselves, are they really timeless? Will any of them teach our children something about being a better person in the world?

The only consistency any parent needs is to always connect with their inner self and respond, rather than react, from peace. The next time you need to answer your child, touch base with your inner compass, and then answer. Are you coming from fear, from reaction, from rote response (just because your mother did it that way?) Ask yourself whether one more book, for example, will harm your child, or show him that you really love spending time reading to him. Or will that cookie before dinner really kill her appetite? (Or, by making dessert the final “course” of a meal, are we really just elevating it to a special rank, and creating more allure around it, more “pull” toward it?)

As Scott Noelle says, “Perhaps most important is that Attraction Parenting is an inside-out approach. It doesn’t tell parents what to do, but it helps parents connect with their authentic Inner Guidance. When parents feel connected, centered, and grounded, their children tend to move into a similar state of mind, and this leads to greater emotional stability and fewer difficult behaviors. The power of attraction eliminates the “need” for conventional, control-oriented, fear-based parenting. If you’ve resorted to coercive parenting tactics out of sheer frustration, the practice of Attraction Parenting will restore your faith in human nature. You will come to know with certainty that children are innately good, and their goodness can be fostered joyfully through unconditional love and creative partnership.”

Lots of Love,
Linda Shannon
Riviera PlaySchool, a Redondo Beach preschool for attachment parents

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